Monday, August 17, 2009

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle...Me!

Countdown: Thursday is jump day!

I think I haven't really rationalized this in my mind yet, I've been so busy with showers and bachelorette parties, it hasn't totally sunk in that I'm actually jumping out of a plane this week. A moving plane. In the sky.

Statistically speaking the DRIVE to the jump zone will be the most dangerous part of the day, followed by eating in a restaurant(both cause way more yearly deaths than skydiving. So do candles, police officers, obesity, skin cancer, and a million other things) but I did my due diligence and read about all of the skydiving deaths in the past ten years on . It was actually pretty reassuring - very few problems with tandem dives, and even in the case where an instructor had a heart attack, the novice jumper was able to land safely (albeit with a dead guy strapped to their back, but hey, more padding I suppose). The Midwest seems to be among the safer places with the least incidents, and first time jumpers rarely seem involved in any of the problems.

So I fully intend to have the time of my life, but *just in case* I thought I'd set a few things into the public record (since I have yet to cross #72, make a legal will, from my bucket list - and my filing system is in a state of horrid disrepair, so you'd never find anything up there anyways).

Statement of wishes in case of my death, or: my backwards take on Reduce, Re-use, Recycle.

1. I wish with all my might to be an organ donor. If I meet my end and anything is salvageable, please give it away! I think a skin graft that keeps my mermaid intact might be the most awesome memorial of all - see if someone can work on that. And then please give me posthumous credit for #71 on my bucket list, being a donor ;)

2. Once everything possible has been "recycled", I'd prefer cremation for the leftovers. I can't imagine taking up all the ground space required for burial, and I never expect anyone to go visit me planted somewhere. "Reduce" me to the bare minimum, and feel free to use scattering my ashes as an excuse to travel somewhere exotic - it's not like I'll be here to argue if you declare "Heather secretly told me she wanted me to take an African safari and sprinkle her ashes on the Savannah while riding a zebra. And then dog sledding through the arctic in search of happy penguins. And maybe in the lost city of Atlantis." Hey man, I'll gladly be the excuse for your adventures, but no pressure. I'd feel just the same about never being claimed from the crematorium too - and maybe that's cheaper? What ever works for y'all, no biggie to me.

3. Re-use: Someone please, please, please go immediately to my craft room and put all of the stamps, card stock, glitter, and fabric to good use! There are costumes in various states of completion, a pile of rhinestone tiaras, and a fabulous collection of one of a kind purses. There is a fortune in Wilton cake decorating supplies, enough gift wrap to cover a small town, and a crazy Italian sewing machine that has an instruction video up there somewhere. I have the full set of barely-used Sookie Stackhouse novels and a treasure trove of chick-flick DVDs next to an actual treasure chest full of candy, guarded by two hilariously creepy nun dolls. There is no way the hubs would have a clue what it's all worth, let alone need it, so you crafty people out there - please promise to pack it all up and take it home with you! The formals including my wedding dress are in the cedar closet, and if someone can step into my size 14 bridesmaid's dress and hustle over to Al's wedding, that would be awesome. Make the hubby polka with you - he's taken lessons - again, you can blame that on my dying wish, but really it's just too funny deny the world, regardless of if I'm there to enjoy it or not.

I'm going to jump out of a plane!!!!


Brooke said... far along with the Halloween party prep are you? Should your husband hold the party anyway? It'd be one heck of a memorial!

HeatherEve said...

Ha ha ha, he wouldn't know where to begin. But that reminds me, the "entertainment" has already been reserved, so whether I'm around or not, someone should come over and play with it :)That's as much as I'll give away right now.

Alison said...

I promise to take over party planning. I think I might be on the edge though, because this post made me teary.