Saturday, February 20, 2010

There is a book review in here somewhere...

How did I not have a "vampires" key word for labeling posts yet? Apparently when I first started sharing my secret shame with all of you, I didn't plan on making it a regular feature. Room to grow I guess. But since a sad amount of my life takes place on the vampire bandwagon, it's time for another installment of "those naughty books!"

Brief interruption: true story, minor digression: I was introducing the amazing Krista to my mother, and for some reason my primary technique for introductions involves describing people by what they were for Halloween the prior year. Yeah, it makes no sense to me either, but I can say the name "Krista" a million times and hubby won't know what I'm saying, but if I say "Meg Griffin Girl" he immediately gets it. Confused?

Clarification: Halloween 2008, Krista won "Most Original Costume" for her spot on Meg Griffin portrayal:

Is that not a spectacular yet simple home made costume? Love it! and it totally went with our "Hollywood Halloween" theme. Then, last year Krista once again pulled out a big bag of awesome with her twist on the Wonderland theme - VAMPIRE ALICE:

She made the red dress and white pinafore from SCRATCH, and I always give huge bonus points when people go to the lengths of pulling out a sewing machine and ironing board for costumes. That's commitment. And hello, how lovely are those fangs?!?! In a strange twist of fate, those creepy realistic chompers have a warning label cautioning you not to drink red liquids with them in. Apparently they stain - so sad. Maybe with a straw. Of course, in a pinch, Long Island iced tea works too.

Remember how this started out as a book review?

So one day, about 5 paragraphs ago, I was introducing Krista to my mother and explaining that she was in my "book club" and dressed up as Alice last year, Meg the year before. My mother gave a look of confusion "Oh, I don't watch those naughty shows..." assuming each was some sort of half naked character on a smutty vampire series. Egads. I'm developing a reputation.

AND IT'S ALL KRISTA'S FAULT. She is the local purveyor of all such smutty vampire media for a growing circle of us embarrassed but eager consumers. She got us all hooked and since she has the least willpower of all, she buys all the books immediately upon publication, reads them overnight, and then is nice enough to pass them around to the rest of us. I have previously admitted reading all of the Twilight books (terrible, but intriguing) and the Sookie Stackhouse novels (yum!) and then Charlaine Harris' other serials (not great, but good enough). Then for some reason I decided to spin out on my own and try selecting some books, which has not been nearly as successful. Thirst was awful (I had to erase that sentence 3 times to avoid bad unintentional puns - "sucked" and "bit" were my original choices, but even I couldn't do that to your ears. Eyes. Whatever.) After that fiasco (I'm still not sure if I'll give the other 2 stories in the book a chance) I dove into the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series. I had high hopes. Another series to follow would be GREAT, especially one with a bunch of books already out so I don't have to wait a year between installments.

But I'm not loving Anita Blake. :(

It is definitely not anywhere near the craptacular nature of Thirst, but I'm not at all hooked either. I am finding it really hard to like the heroine, the weird religious undertones (souls are very important to her...which is not a given for me, and not well explained) and of course there is the problem that the covers look like romance novels (which I'm somehow more embarrassed about than if people actually knew they were vampire stories). The characters have annoying names I mentally trip over and argue with (Nikolaus for a woman just seems to be trying to hard), Jean Claude & Phillip just all blend together to become one cheesy vaguely French bustier ripping leading man - Jean-Phillipe-Claude-hopper. Blah. And there's all sorts of misty allusion to some dark thorny past that really needs to start coming out more significantly because I am just kind of bored.

I made it through the first book, not nearly on pace with books I've liked more, and it did pick up some towards the end, but I'm not sure if I'll be trying out any more of the series. Krista passed off a Sherrilyn Kenyon book which has an even MORE embarrassing cover, and the title "Fantasy Lover" that I'm planning to try next. I think I might have to start making little brown bag book covers for this kind of smut, sort of how a hobo hides their cheap liquor in a bag to lessen the shame. And hide from authorities.

I'm also mixing this up by starting "The Help", which I hear is very good despite zero vampires. An though I've borrowed it in hard cover so it doesn't fit in my purse, it is much less embarrassing to take out in public.


Brooke said...

The Anita Blake series get even more smutty with each book. It's to the point where I roll my eyes and start quickly scanning over the pages to find out when they get done with their sex in kinky ways that's supposed to shock me so I can get on with the story already. The Meredith Gentry series (fairies instead of vampires) is more interesting but just as sex-filled.

Sassy said...

I'm a little late to the game here, so I don't know if you have read the Anne Rice series of vampires? That's what got me hooked in the first place. I did read all of the Twilight books and thoroughly enjoyed them! I have the first Sookie Stackhouse book but haven't started reading it yet. My book stack is HUGE! So, yeah, count me among the vampire obsessed :) Do you like vampire movies as well? And not just fluffy ones :)