Friday, May 11, 2012

Several Small Heart Attacks

That panic I was expecting? It's here. After a mysterious absence, I am definitely starting to freak out now. I have one week left of work, and sat down for my 10,000th crunching of the numbers tonight, at which time I realized just how ridiculously poor we are going to be.


My heart is pounding.

I know it CAN work out, but holy crap is this a scary leap...

We have no savings to fall back on. We are not prepared. This is not responsible.

Our monthly budget is razor thin, and does not leave room for buying clothes, books, paper towels, or a billion other things I've really enjoyed having around. It doesn't include a line item for gifts, medicine, or printer ink. I can no longer wander through Costco and stock up on soap, toilet paper, and razors at will. Every purchase, every expenditure has to be tightly controlled now. We will not be lunching at Noodles & Company or throwing Halloween parties unless I can cobble together some additional sources of income on occasion.

At the same time that I'm feeling incredibly trepidatious about our financial future, I'm trying to reduce our "stuff" and make our home more organized and livable. These two concepts are at odds - if I get rid of things, I won't be able to replace them. But maybe I can make a little money in the process of getting rid of things? Or maybe I should just save the things?

Money = Ulcers.

Also, I want to be excited about all the freedom gained by throwing off the shackles of 9-5ing, but if I can't afford to do anything else, any of the great projects and adventures that come to mind, will it feel free-er? Or will I be even more constrained by a lack of means now?

Also, I just cried at The Vampire Diaries AND Glee. I think I'm just overly emotional with all of the huge life changes ahead.

This is my last weekend as the gainfully employed (at least for a while)! See you soon, poverty!

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