and then they cease to matter. I'm back to work today, but it's alright. The end is in sight, and the bank account is already in the red (oops), so I need these last few weeks to absently check my email and save up a few pennies.
And to build up sufficient panic about being broke.
Because we all know that will happen sooner than later, and frankly I can't believe I haven't had a major massive meltdown about it already.
I am a planner. I am, perhaps, an OVER planner. I make lists and schematics and budgets. And after doing all that, I know that the numbers don't work. Not with me staying home, and also not with me staying working. So one set of decisions has been made - to stay home - but a whole additional set of measures need to be taken at some point to actually sustain our new lifestyle, especially since we have NO emergency fund (and property taxes around the corner, ugh!).
The emotional part of my brain is torn between joy and freaking out. The rational part is kind of misbehaving, and sort of wandering around in an uncharacteristic dopey calm - this has actually been my general operating state ever since The Cupcake arrived, and nobody could have predicted it, least of all me. My family has commented on it numerous times (and encouraged me to have many children, because apparently I'm "nicer" as a zombie. I think I just don't have the energy to fix all the world's problems anymore!). Maybe nature really does give us what we need to adapt to new situations, and for me it was some strange release of chemicals that have allowed me to step back just a few feet from the fire and take in the larger scene with less panic.
But at some point, changes need to be made. I think I can cobble things together for a while with a mix of consigning/ebay/yardsale of unneeded stuff that has stacked up, but that is a treatment and not a cure. It is doubtful that will be enough to fix things for very long, and eventually we will run out of "excess" stuff :)
So what steps to take? Get ride of cable? That's hubby & my primary source of joy these days, but also our major discretionary expenditure. Internet HAS to stay, I am pretty sure I can't live without it, especially once the weather turns icky (or "normal" in Minnesota terms). The food budget will have to stretch, but I think I can work with that - we're already getting better at meal planning and trying harder on leftovers (not strong areas for us). We have a lot of free entertainment options within walking distance, especially since it's summer, but a few "big" things coming up like license plates and inevitable car repairs/emergencies, we're just not in a good situation...
So, is this the calm before the storm?
Or am I just learning to "roll with it" a little better?
Or am I completely irresponsible and about to learn a major lesson?
Guess we'll see...