Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Bank on it

My bank is going to start charging me $15 a month so I'm looking for a new bank. And then get to spend hours trying to change all my auto bills and other housekeeping. Who really pays those outrageous fees? We can get it "waived" (oh, what a generous offer!) if we meet a bunch of other circumstances (that generate a bunch of income for them) or if we have a bunch of money to begin with (probably those aren't the people who need the "waiver?") but we don't meet any of them, especially now that I QUIT MY JOB!

Yup, I'm officially a stay-at-home-mom in 1 month. I guess that means I didn't quit, I gave notice, and a really nice extended notice at that. What a great employee.

I shall work hard to observe the Dooce rule on this public forum, but I think I can safely say that I never loved my job, and I have no career path, and I have high hopes that this will be a major positive change in my life.

Primarily this decision comes as our amazing childcare situation comes to an end - The Cupcake might be the luckiest little monkey on the planet as her grandmother generously watched her this past year after I returned to work. And "watched" can hardly be considered accurate, Grandma fawned and doted and chased and sang and dressed up and cooked homemade meals for and otherwise enjoyed the biscuits out of TC 3 days a week while I tried to keep bringing home some bacon. It was never a permanent situation, but it gave me a little more time to think. I couldn't imagine a better environment for TC than what she's had this past year, we are so thankful. As it comes to an end I considered daycare or Montessori programs, but at this point I'd be working JUST to pay the daycare bills, and since I don't love where I'm at, there are few reasons to stay. It's not like this job will eventually lead me somewhere better, in fact, I'm probably hurting my resume in many respects by working so long in a field I have no desire to be in. But with my cautious nature I'd probably never make a leap to something more enjoyable/potentially less reliable at the risk of being irresponsible, so this will be a wonderful catalyst (I hope) that allows me to leave the safe but yucky job and eventually find something much more fulfilling, or at least not quite so deflating.

And in the meantime, I'm going to mom the crap out of this little monkey:

I have a LOT of hopes and dreams, and a "to-do" list a million miles long (find a new bank...find the kitchen table under the piles of crap...find out what I want to do with my life and make a plan for it...teach TC to talk so I can reason with her about SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!) but in my heart I know that this adventure will probably be a lot like my birth process was - I could research and form ideas and even make a "plan" on paper...but I'm not going to really know what it is like, what my limits are, and what will bring me joy until I'm in the thick of it (and then the "plan" will just be hilarious kindling from the naive former life). I'm scared that I'll be MORE tired without my "sitting on my @$$ time" at work. I'm terrified we'll be destitute and that will be NO fun, not to mention probably end up in me getting a worse job at a fraction of the pay. I'm sad I have to leave my copy machine and scanner. I'm excited to go to storytime at the library, and grocery shop during the day, and walk to the zoo whenever we want. I'm not sure if I will be able to handle not having "my own" income for the first time in a long time or if TC will just miss her grandma and wonder when I'm leaving again...

Cheers to new adventures.

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