The end is near...

As we close in on 10 weeks I alternate between terror and denial that I have to return to work soon. This is compounded by the fact that up until recently I had been counting wrong and have to go back even a week earlier than I thought. Boo.

It's not so much that I'm overly attached - I know she'll be in good hands with her doting grandmother. It's much more selfish than that.

I'm not ready to be part of the world again yet.

I'm just starting to get the hang of this. I'm just starting to feel like the pump isn't ruling my life (or ruining my life).

I'm not all that bothered by not bathing or getting dressed each day, and I definitely don't miss laboring over my hair or makeup. I spend my days like this:


And that thing, that creature, that little parasite on my lap - I think she's just starting to get the hang of it too:



She's sorta kinda sometimes sleeping for six hours at night. She's still unbelievably pukey, but she usually follows each eruption with a big smile. She has a great smile:



It's still really hard. I get frustrated when I can't just make something to eat whenever I'm hungry or run to the store easily, heck, it's hard to even fit in a bathroom break. I am still exhausted, and don't foresee catching up anytime soon. I'm not sure how I'll force myself to stay awake at my less than thrilling desk job. I'm not sure how to keep myself from gaining a million pounds when I have that uninterrupted time to eat again. I don't know what I'll do when I can't catch a little cat nap with this booger on my chest:



"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." ~Carl Sandburg

Romp in the Swamp Louisiana Halloween Party - VooDoo Shop

Yeah, yeah, it's been 4 months, but there are a few last details from Halloween I wanted to write up before I'm on to next year, one being the nursery decor. You see, it went through quite a metamorphosis this past year. It started as a seldom used guest bedroom with ugly tulip print wallpaper. When we bought the house, it was staged as a little girl's room, but not exactly my style:



When we found out about the cupcake, I knew that wallpaper had to go. I was really worried about scraping it all off, but one day I started picking at it and the whole thing just peeled off in huge sheets:



Underneath it was baby pink, but that wasn't appealing either, so with the help of my BFF we covered it in "tantalizing teal:"



And then we took a big 'ol detour from traditional nursery decor in the month leading up to Halloween, turning the nursery into a N'awlins VooDoo Shop!



This was where the psychic readings took place, I wanted to create an eerie backdrop packed with details so that everywhere you looked, you noticed something new, sort of how Disney has made even the ride queues and long lines part of the attraction by setting the mood. And I wanted to do it on a budget, so I focused on repurposing free stuff, using what I had, and finding great bargains for the rest.

To start with, I arranged the bed as a couch so people could sit and listen to other fortunes being told (and, it turns out, wait in "line" because it was so popular!). I covered it with a $6 black duvet from Goodwill and all the throw pillows from the living room. I used shelves and hutches I already had around the house as the "store shelves". Since the walls were so bright, I draped long panels of fabric around to dull the happy tone and create a more intimate setting. I used fabrics I already had and a few picked up dirt cheap at goodwill (I got real good at shopping on $1.49 days!). I used 3M strips and hooks to hang everything - no way was I re-painting again :)



I gathered all the skulls, crows, and skeletons I had in my Halloween stash, and re-used the bloody rose garland from last year's Queen of Hearts scene. I also pulled a bunch of creepy religious relics I had acquired over the years, a lot of angel Xmas ornaments I had inherited, and some spooky nun dolls I found at the goodwill a few years ago and could NOT pass up.



I filled some bigger spaces with cheap art from Goodwill - remember the distressed painting in the broken down frame and the puzzle in the ornate gold I found back here? Rustic candlesticks and old wine decanters fit in well too. Old photos in antique gold frames also fit the mood, and I picked up a couple sets of battery powered candles at Costco that I mixed in everywhere:



I kept the lights really low, it was dark other than all the battery powered candles and a single lamp (shrouded in white gauzy fabric) on the psychic's table, so that helped to blend the scene together and draw your eye to the details (and away from the empty spaces). More items "from the vault" stocked the shelves - an original Ouija board, a fake heart, plastic bugs and snakes. I saved all the unsold glassware from the summer's garage sale (candle holders, dishes, vases) and filled them with foam eyeballs or water and "grow animals" from the $1 store (make sure you do this a few days ahead, they take a while to reach their full size!).



My favorite was the snakes - I had saved them from the bathroom decor in 2009. I had asked people to save clear jars and containers a few months leading up to Halloween, and my mom came up with this great pretzel jar - don't they look fantastic?



I did a few quick and cheap crafts for this room too. My husband was on a Pelligrino kick so we managed to save a ton of bottles. Rather than going to the trouble of soaking off the labels, I just printed new ones using shipping labels and creepy fonts (yay for 1001 Free Fonts!) and slapped them over the existing labels. I used a black permanent marker to color in some of the words, used fabric paint to simulate contents "dripping" out of the bottles, and voila - creepy "ingredients" for sale at the voodoo shop:



I used the same process for other shapes and sizes of containers too - tea tins held "werewolf fur." A clear jar full of tiny pieces of string became "mummy stitches."



This was actually a pretty cheap & green craft. The bottles were all free & bound for the recycling bin - I just kept them a while longer and decorated them a bit before kicking them to the curb. I didn't even bother cleaning most of them out first - a pickle jar easily becomes slug slime or swamp water with little effort. The paint and labels I had on hand, and these really made up a big part of my "display."



The only other craft project I did was some crudely painted signs advertising various voodoo shop sales and policies - "We Have Wart Remover!" and "Deadly Nightshade - $9.99!"



This room took weeks to actually put together, mainly because I arranged and rearranged everything so often. Turning on and off all of the candles took another chunk of time (and a few fingernails) but it really worked out well. Of course, the main decorative element was the table in the center of the room where the psychic held court:



Luckily The Cupcake didn't try any funny business like showing up a couple months early, or she would have had a voodoo themed nursery that I'm guessing might have garnered some sideways glances (and possible calls to child services). But she cooperated, so I was able to get everything taken down and turned over to a more child friendly look.

This room took time, but saved money. In fact, I think I might have actually come in UNDER budget on this room (don't worry, I blew it + much more on the food). I wish I would have gotten a better pic of how the lighting levels looked, but I'm still a rookie with my camera, so you'll have to take my word for it - the darkness helped, and the final effect was spooky and excellent!

A dirty schizophrenic hermit

The Cupcake hit 2 months old yesterday, by which time a lot of kids are in daycare and their moms back to reality, going about their daily lives as a part of society.

Reality? Huh? I think our paths diverged somewhere and you are nowhere in sight.

If I were a good little mommyblogger I would have shared a million funny stories with you by now, we would have bonded over the trauma and truth of birth (and afterbirth), or at the least bored you with endless photos of my child doing cute things. Like this one:


(Olivia Wagner Photography)

But I haven't made it there yet.

It's 4:30am and she's fast asleep (miracle).

But I'm not (d'oh).


(so peaceful when she is sleeping)

I woke up with a rock hard chest. Like an elephant was sitting on me, or I was buried under rocks. I tried to ignore it, flip over, burrow back in - to no avail. So I'm pumping and praying that she's still asleep when I finish, and that we both get a few more hours of rest. Especially since today is my first adventure out with the girls (the ADULT girls), like a real grown up and not a dirty schizophrenic hermit.

Yeah, that's right, I'll admit it - I'm sort of a dirty schizophrenic hermit these days. It's the new reality I guess. I shower...sometimes. When I have a reason. Otherwise it just doesn't rise far enough up the priority list. Other "necessities" I don't have/find/make time to do anymore:
-anything with my hair beyond a messy pony tail
-cleaning my glasses till they are completely opaque
-cleaning the house
-going to the bathroom
-eating anything requiring more prep than Girl Scout Cookies and Goldfish Crackers
-leaving the house unless absolutely necessary
...and so much more. Priority #1 is keeping the kid alive & content (the latter is a pretty distant 2nd, and only done if possible). After that it's sleeping, AKA keeping myself alive. Luckily you can totally live on cookies & crackers, and if you are breastfeeding/pumping you can even lose 30+ lbs that way. Who knew?


(jewelry? clearly this was a planned photo op. My usual accessories are burp rags. They're cute and multi-colored, but not exactly red-carpet).

The "dirty" part is also furthered by my vomit volcano of a baby who keeps me covered in partially digested breastmilk most days. Mmmm, nutritious. We're generally both damp and sticky, it's become our natural state of being. This is admittedly gross, and should probably elevate the quest for a shower a little higher up the priority list, but why take the time to hose it all off when you'll just add another coat moments later? Better to use that time for a nap, or a sandwich, or more likely it just gets used up between holding and changing and pumping and feeding and otherwise surviving day by day. It's the same attitude I've always had towards shaving my legs. Shaving is annoying and cumbersome and a lot of times I just don't do it if my legs won't be showing. Especially from, say, November - April. I don't particularly like having fur or looking like a yeti, and it's not some feminist statement, but seriously, who likes to shave? And I figure it's only gross if someone sees it. Since we don't leave the house much, nobody does :)

She's awake now by the way. And just spit milk out her nose.

Being a hermit is also a matter of choice/priorities, and one of my best coping mechanisms. And I really don't mind it much at all. I've heard a lot of stories of moms dying to get out of the house with their little ones...it all seems like way too much work for me. When we leave, there's the juggling of schedule for eating and pumping. There's the luggage - diaper bag, baby carrier, bottles, stroller... My pump if we could be gone longer than 4 hours and all the parts I need with it. Extra clothes for her AND me, since she likes to "share" her food after the first time down her gullet... Trips out of the house really do seem to sack her out (LOVE that carseat), but they also sack ME out, so the benefit is negated a bit. It's so much easier to exist within the walls of my house. I like my house. I have cable, DVDs, radio, and now FINALLY fast Internet. I have her magic swing and laundry available without hauling it around. I've never really been an "outside girl" anyways :)




And as for schizophrenic...happens to the best of us. I engage in conversation with the baby, of course. Most people can understand that. I also engage in conversation with the swing, the lamps, the radio... I swear the rhythmic sound of my pump is a secret language and I hear mechanical words when it's running. I forget things, mostly due to the sleep deprivation, and can rarely tell you what day it is because they're all somewhat the same. When the house is actually quiet and I try to run to the bathroom, or even when someone is watching her and I take a shower, I always think I hear her crying even when she's not. Voices in my head I guess :)

It took me another day to finish this post, because it takes me twice (or 10 times) as long to finish anything these days. In between, I went out with my friends. It went way too fast, and I had to ditch out early to race home and pump, but I made it. And honestly, I didn't even have time to sit and worry about The Cupcake, it all went by to fast. I splurged on two cherry cokes (which I coveted way more than alcohol after almost a year), caught up with some great friends, sat down to eat a meal with both hands at a table, and was completely distracted oogling the sparkly drag queens on stage. I still appreciate sparkles, and I even managed to wear some of my own. I even showered. Maybe I'll only be a part time dirty schizophrenic hermit.

Reflections: 2010 Resolutions

I had this post half written and with plans to post on 1-4-11, but I got a little sidetracked with the whole labor/motherhood/survival with a newborn phase of life I entered. But now that I'm sorta sometimes finding a few minutes to myself (hands free pumping bra = NECESSITY! How did I not have one for 3 weeks?!?!) I'm hoping to actually get back to the blog, and this is a decent place to start - looking back, and planning ahead.

So, how did you do in 2010? Was it everything you wanted it to be and more? Did you find your true calling and move mountains and sing about lollipops and rainbows?

Mine wasn't quite that grand (definitely fades in comparison to 2011 already), but I give myself a solid C+ when it comes to my resolutions for this past year. In case you forget:

Original resolution posting
Mid year resolution check

I managed to hit a home run on a few of these:

- Cross at least 6 items off of my Bucket List (that's 1 every 2 months)
BIG WIN! In 2010 I: attended a roller derby bout, flew on a trapeze, won at bingo, helped throw a surprise party, officiated a wedding, and had my fortune told. I definitely get a gold star on that resolution!

- Take more photos, learn to take better ones
Though I've been pretty terrible lately about uploading & blogging them, I have definitely taken more photos this year, and I *think* I can say I'm getting a little better. The most important thing I've learned is to force people to stop and smile for me, which I generally do by threatening to post everything on facebook whether or not they smile - and clearly, they're going to look better if they cooperate :) Though my favorite photo of the year doesn't involve ANYONE smiling, I'm in love with this image from Halloween:



- Keep up with photo albums - within 1 month of events
This is another one I feel AWESOME about accomplishing! Other than being behind on the weddings of 2009 (we had 6...and I only have photos of 3...but I'm getting bolder about harassing people into handing over a few pics, i.e. Jen/Jess/Pat :) I'm coming for you!) I'm really doing excellent on my digital scrapbooking! I am still technically a representative for Heritage Makers, and I have LOVED using their system to keep everything organized, I try to upload pics there within a week of the event, and get to the journaling ASAP before I forget everything. I've gotten quicker and more efficient on the embellishments, and I really love what I've been creating lately.

- Take a real vacation with my husband. Actually go somewhere, just the two of us. We've been together 10 years (in January 2010), and never had a big solo vacation!

We almost scrapped this one when we found out I was pregnant with The Cupcake, but after much waffling (and since we already had expensive airline tickets) we decided to push forward with a trip to New York. It was a little difficult being 10 weeks or so along(I was really sick & pretty exhausted), but who knows now when we'd get the opportunity again, so I'm glad we went for it. Highlights were seeing friends and eating some AMAZING meals, seeing the Broadway production of American Idiot and visiting the Bronx Zoo.



- Bring my lunch to work more often. Like at least sometimes :) I'm so bad at this.

Getting pregnant actually helped significantly with this! The further along I got, the worse my heartburn was, so I had a fairly limited diet towards the end. I was drinking 1/2 gallon of milk per day, lots of jell-o, oatmeal, and other bland foods. It was easier to bring in a huge stash and eat throughout the day than exert the energy (and money) to go out for a full meal.

And then we reach the less successful resolutions...

- Organize my craft room again, and keep it that way for the whole year

Massive fail. It's a deathtrap up there. Probably not likely to be cleared up for quite a while. Yay for closing the door and letting it sit till I can catch up :)


- Stick to a realistic budget this Halloween, while still having the best party ever

Hmmm...how to judge. I massively blew my budget. But I enjoyed the party :)




- Develop a career plan. Decide what I want to be...now that I AM grown up!
No idea. For the time being, I'm going to try and survive my new post as mom :)


- File my receipts and bills at least monthly...and catch up with the ones thrown in a box from the past many years.
Fail. Though I have started to sort through some of it now that I'm on maternity leave, mostly because I have no idea where all my tax documents are (that I'll need soon).


- Create and pursue happiness actively

Work in progress. But I'm getting better at it. I'm finding joy in small things, and making time for what makes me happy, not just what I feel I should do.





- Start writing letters. Real letters on paper.

Fell off the priority list. Refile for a few years in the future :)


- Pay down debt. Significantly. Maybe even start saving.

Progress made. 2011 is starting off good in this area, which makes everything else more attainable.


I'm not making resolutions for 2011. I don't need to. I have so many changes and adventures ahead of me, I just hope to survive, keep an open mind, and enjoy as much of it as I can. Happy New Year to me:

Hello, Cupcake!

Big news in my life...the Cupcake has arrived!



I'm WAYYYY behind now on posting (and laundry, and sleep, and everything else :) but I'm working my way back to the land of the living and hope to catch up soon. In the meantime, I'm spending my days with this little princess:

Bucketlist #126 Have my fortune told or cards read

I've been meaning to get this posted for a few months now, but as I review my resolutions and accomplishments for 2010 I wanted to make sure I "credit" myself for this one :)

Each year for Halloween I've tried to add some sort of entertainment to our annual party, something for guests to "do" besides socialize and imbibe (not that those activities aren't fully endorsed as well). This year I tried extra hard to actually match the entertainment to the theme, and decided to hire a psychic. New Orleans is (apparently - I've never been there) full of psychic shops and storefronts, and with the soon to be nursery decked out as a voodoo shop, it would be a perfect venue.




With the help of Google, I settled on Penny of RavenHawke LLC. She had all sorts of credentials that I don't fully understand, instead my reasons for choosing her were 1. she was available and 2. she appeared to be a live human being, in addition to having a legible website. We signed a contract MONTHS before the actual party, and then continued to check in periodically to make sure everything was still on. It was, and she showed up all professional and on time, ready for an evening of psychic readings, palmistry, and tarot.



People really got excited about it! There was a line most of the night, and she ended up staying even later than I had paid her for to get through everyone who wanted a reading. (Thanks, Penny!) From what I heard there weren't too many startling discoveries - a lot of people were told they needed more rest, they had found their soul mate, and other fairly simple things, a few people got reassurance that situations would work out or that their path was correct.

(Random semi-mean thought: If I were a psychic I'd totally tell people they DID NOT find their soul mates. Wouldn't that make for much more interesting parties? Especially since I paid her up front, it wasn't like she had to keep people happy :) But oh well, maybe all my friends really do have amazing wonderful love lives, and everyone found their destiny. Who knows...)



When I finally got a chance to sneak into line, I was planning on tarot but opted for the palmistry at the last minute, because for some reason I had the sudden idea it would be more "scientific" and therefore somehow valid. Who knows, I was tired and pregnant and hopped up on strawberry compote and vanilla ice cream :) Here's what I remember of my fortune:

She said I have 6 guardian angels, a "teacher's square", and my normally strong communication skills are being drown out by my extreme exhaustion. She suggested I get more rest. I also have some psychic markings, suggesting I rely on my intuition, and I am logically driven but use emotion to make decisions in the end.

Some fairly general ideas, but some details that could be seen as pretty relevant, and nothing that seemed way off base. It was a pretty fun experience, and having a psychic as party entertainment worked twofold - it was of course fun and exciting to have your own fortunes revealed, but it was just as fun if not more so to listen in on the readings of other guests. Do I sorta wish she had been a cheesy over the top Madame Cleo type psychic? Yeah, probably. But I suppose "authentic" has it's purpose too :)

Anyways, check another item off my bucket list, because in addition to providing party entertainment, Madame Penny also fulfilled #126 - have my fortune told or cards read = DONE!

Carin's Casa of Creative Crafting: Gingerbread House Party!

Carin is the crafty kind of person you love to have around for inspiration, but also secretly hate to try and live up to :) She is AMAZING! She's always crocheting (or knitting? I don't even know the difference), offering around GORGEOUS/NUMMY frosted sugar cookies, and building the most fantastical costumes. It's enough to make a moderate hobby crafter feel mopey and inadequate, but then she goes and wins you back over again by hosting a GINGERBREAD HOUSE DECORATING PARTY! Yeah, she's pretty cool. She made snacks:



And she actually BAKED A GINGERBREAD HOUSE for everyone who came! (Are you kidding me? I'd totally have bought kits :) But these smelled sooooo much better!) So I arrived and got this:



Which I then set about assembling:



And decorating:



I took a few cookie breaks - pretty sure I ate all the Xmas trees. The hedgehogs were too darned cute to destroy:



More decorating:



The snow is much prettier with sprinkles, don't you think? I wouldn't mind shovelling half as much if it were really this cute all winter:



IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! I haven't done a gingerbread house since Daisy Girl Scouts, and I've always meant to, so I can't thank Carin enough for having this event (not to mention doing all the baking, mixing, and CLEANING! I'm pretty sure there was candy EVERYWHERE by the end, so sorry!). Everyone had a good time, and I think our whole "village" was pretty fun:



Having creative friends rocks:









Thanks Carin & everyone, what a great way to get in the holiday spirit!