Bucket List #161: Officiate a legal same sex wedding

August 1, 2013 - Marriage Equality took effect in Minnesota. At 12:01am I solemnized the first same-sex wedding in the city of St. Paul:

I did five more over the next 24 hours. Each ceremony was completely different, and personalized to the couple - and each couple was wonderful and inspiring. After years in catering I've learned how awful weddings can make some people act - but on this day (night/day/night) there was nothing but joy. I was honored to be part of this historic day for Minnesota, and for each of the couples I worked with. 

Subscriptions!

I did it! I took the plunge! I'm signed up for 3 subscription boxes and I can't wait to try them out!

http://yourbijouxbox.com/ - Jewelry! This was the first one I decided on, but I had browser problems signing up - I emailed the contact and received an immediate personal/human response that they were looking into it and apologized, and I got an update when they felt they had the problem fixed. When I still couldn't get my order to go through I asked if I could just do it over the phone, and promptly was allowed to, with excellent, friendly customer service (and anyone who knows me knows I NEVER get good customer service! So it was quite the pleasure!). I started with a 6 month subscription since this was my big splurgey birthday present. Should start in February, and I can't wait!

http://www.carefreecrafts.com/ - Kid friendly craft kits! I did this one on a month-by-month basis and used a coupon code for 40% off the first month so I can try it out with out too much commitment. TC actually loves to do messy crafts like painting and foam stickers (I call those messy because of the million tiny pieces of paper backing it leaves scattered across the house), it's me who runs out of patience (because guess who cleans it up?!?!?) but I resolved to work on my attitude towards such things this year, so we'll try it out. Tentatively :) I like that this is a kid thing, but not a "investment" kid thing like toys and clothes - we can have the experience, show it off for a while, and then get rid of the projects without adding too much long lasting chaos (or reselling, or donating, etc).  The subscription code I used was SAVE40, not sure how long it is valid. This subscription could start in just a week or two, which would be GREAT! UPDATE: FIRST SHIPMENT ALREADY ARRIVED!

http://www.ipsy.com/ - MAKEUP! I know, this is so not my usual style, but maybe I'm kind of tired of my (lack of) usual style? This is one of the lowest cost subscriptions at $10 a month, and you get a makeup bag (GLAM BAG) with around 5 products. The site was a little confusing - at first I just clicked directly on the glambag subscription and was put on a waiting list, but if you become a "member" of the site first, then agree to share on facebook, they'll expedite you off the waitlist immediately, so I'm signed up to get the February shipment. And then I just deleted the facebook share right after. Supposedly your selection of products is curated towards your answers to the style profile quiz, but since I have zero makeup skills or personal style, I just checked that I was interested in all the boxes. The only weird question was about hair where you only got to choose from a few weird options like frizzy, needs volume, curly, or a few others that didn't apply to me. So we'll see what I get!

Check (off the bucket list) - it's in the mail!

I'm excited to knock a bunch more fun things off my bucket list this year. There are a few that are potentially in the cards, though only one that is officially on the calendar. For Christmas we gifted my family with tickets to a charity ball (#21), so that will be exciting!

The next one I'm thinking of pursuing is #39 Join a  fun "of the month” club/subscription service. Yeah, you got me, it originally said "bouquet of the month club" but that's mostly because I didn't know these other subscription services existed, and anyways when I found out they did I immediately assumed it was on my bucket list, so close enough!

I've been reading reviews and lists of services, and I'm so excited! I'm completely jealous of the women who run the two sites below and apparently have hundreds of subscription boxes in their mail each month. I absolutely love to get mail. Love. The idea of getting surprises in the mail every month is extremely appealing - and remember, it's one of my resolutions to surround myself with happy things, so it's practically like homework, right?

Now I just have to decide what type/service to subscribe to. Jewelry, crafts, or kid stuff seem the most interesting so far. There used to be one that was about parties that would have been PERFECT, but appears to have gone away - anyone know anything about celebrate crates? Sadly I think they are no longer an option. For crafts I'm thinking maybe a cupcake baking one, or a kid friendly set of things I can do with TC that will give us a little structure and a nice  TV alternative. Beyond crafts I am wary of investing any more $$$ into much kid stuff - clearly this kid needs no more toys or clothes, so those kinds are out, but I do struggle for ways to fill our days beyond shopping and doing chores around the house, so one of the curriculum-esque boxes might not be bad. Or it might feel like another chore. I can't decide. Jewelry I would LOVE - especially statement necklaces, rings, and bracelets (even though I rarely dress up, I try to still wear a little sparkle every day.   Generally with my unbrushed hair). I'm hesitant because I don't have my ears pierced and don't want to "waste" money if I get a bunch of earrings, but it seems like some places I could specify. Similarly I don't wear much nail polish or makeup, but I'm not ruling it out. Might be time to give it a try. Bouquets are still an option as well, but with weather like we're having lately, I doubt even well wrapped flowers would be worthwhile...

Popsugar seems to have great reviews, but I'm not sure if I can dedicate $35 a month to such discretionary spending (I need to make sure the experience of getting surprises is exciting, but not feeling like a gamble). I'd love input from anybody who has done a subscription service before, there are SO MANY to choose from!

http://www.ramblingsofasuburbanmom.com/monthly-subscription-box-list/
http://www.mysubscriptionaddiction.com/

2013 in review

2013 is over! I could never have guessed all of the great things that would happen to us this year (especially after a few pretty tough years of losing loved ones and struggling in other ways), but I sure am grateful. It's been a wild ride, too fast at times, but looking back I truly appreciate where we are now, and a lot of what we were able to do and say along the way. Here are some highlights:

Bucket list accomplishments:
-donated my hair to locks of love

-officiated a legal same sex wedding (actually, a lot of them!)

-bought my first new car

-hosted a holiday cookie bake, gingerbread house decorating party, and family brunch (all holiday traditions I hope to carry on)

Other milestones:
-TC's 2nd Birthday - and the accompanying party that I actually made crafts for!

-First major home renovations (just in time for someone else to enjoy, of course)
-sold our first house
-bought our 2nd house - and immediately made it a home, unpacking in less than a month!

-participated in MonkeeSeeMonkeeDo's Holiday Helping Hands
-Found a better balance with my part time job - stepped back to assistant coaching at 2 new schools
-started The Cupcake in preschool 2 days a week
-potty training!
-threw a shower to welcome one of my best friend's new son

-had professional family photos taken (first time since T.C. was a newborn)
- played a LOT of dress up

Resolutions:

-Revive my blog! I bought web-hosting, now I just have to figure out how to transfer it over to "fix" my domain name again - but I'm back at Blogger for at least a temporary fix :)

-Have family photos taken EVERY YEAR

-Be less upset/insecure about tantrums, messes, and all the other unsightly parts of life (possibly grow a thicker mommy skin for interacting with other parents)

-Let things around the house be imperfect, or less perfect, in favor of being with family and friends - fill this amazing house up with great memories

-Catch up on scrapbooks (a reoccurring theme with my resolutions...oops)

-Add more things to my bucket list than I check off (but keep checking them off too!)

-Find something I love to do and make it part of my life

-Do something with The Cupcake every day that is just for fun (and realize it in the moment)

Best wishes to all,

HeatherEve

Donate a chunk of hair to locks of love - Bucketlist #51

I've been in a hair funk for quite some time. Post TC I pretty much wore a standard-issue mom ponytail for two years, all about function with zero style or styling requirements. I had bangs for a while, which gave me the illusion that I had some sort of actual hair style, but eventually I realized I wasn't really keeping up with those either (my hair grows fast and I wasn't making it out for solo haircuts very often, even if they were fast and cheap, and NO WAY was I doing it myself. I have no skills for haircutting). As TC has grown and I've been able to steal a few moments away I'd started to sort of style my hair for some special occasions - I'd flat iron out the weird ripples that developed during my pregnancy, curl the ends under, it would look okay:

Christmas 2012

But I soon realized that even when my hair started out looking presentable, it would mat and knot under it's own friction and by the end of the day I'd have a huge rat's nest at the base of my neck. It was embarassing, I'm sure it looked awful, and it sucked to try and comb (rip) out. I don't know how people with long hair do it, if they just have thinner hair than I do, or brush it every hour, or use some magic product, but I couldn't take it. I was sick of the ponytail, and couldn't hack keeping it down, so I did some measurements and determined it was time to tackle bucketlist #51 - donate to locks of love.

Donations need to be a minimum of 10", so I divided my hair into 4 ponytails and put binders around 11" up, meaning the first cut was about 12" off.

My  hair is so thick, I think I get credit for 2 or 3 donations for this :) It was like an actual pony's tail when I wrapped it all up.

I didn't take any photos at the salon, I purposefully left my camera at home because the pressures of this mega cut were enough without feeling like I had to be in photos right away. The strange ladies next to me appeared to take several photos though, and couldn't stop asking me about what was going on (shouldn't going to the salon be relaxing? Who does that to other people?!?!) and basically narrating the whole experience (you're  not helping!)

I don't have any great "after" photos yet, but I definitely feel a foot lighter. The new cut makes more sense with the new texture of my hair (I got wavy during pregnancy, so it was really weird to have 4" of waves then straight for 16". Awkward), it's low fuss and dries quickly, or I can curl/iron it up for a different look. It looks WAY lighter in color with all the bulk gone too, neither good nor bad, but interesting.

I doubt I'll ever have hair this long again, so I'm glad I could make it count - the hair will help sick little girls feel better about their appearance with custom fit hairpieces, definitely a worthy cause.

Toys for Other Tots

I've (hopefully) started a couple of holiday traditions for our family: the annual ornament, setting up the tree, and donating a toy each year to charity. The latter is still in it's formative stages - in theory we would all go together as a family and pick something out that was meaningful, but time was against us this year so in the final days before collections ended I grabbed something on my own during a rare solo shopping trip. I still tried to make it meaningful by picking a doll that reminded me of The Cupcake:

 

It was barely in our house for 24 hours before I remembered to grab it on my way to a meeting at a school that was collecting for toys for tots, but it was just enough time for TC to see her. And go completely nuclear when she was not allowed to "had it! had it!"

Guess we have some work to do on the "Christmas Spirit", eh?

The doll made it to the charity, the kid eventually recovered from her blubbery puddle on the floor, and has since started to play with her own dolls (which are more age appropriate and have less hair to destroy).

We were okay. And that is good.

I just went back through my blog looking for this past year's resolutions and realized that I made none - at least not on this blog - since I took November - March off of posting apparently!

Life happens.

So the good news is, no blown resolutions!

The less good news - no accomplished resolutions. And nothing much checked off the bucketlist.

I gave myself half credit for finishing up  the first half of #12: Learn to take great photos and get a “real” camera - I took a photo workshop in April that was really enlightening if only for showing me the power of a low aperture lens, which did drastically improve my portraits. Unfortunately, since then, my toddler's ability to pose (read: stop moving) for portraits has diminished to almost zilch, so I can't say I've actually produced many "great photos" lately.

 

I may have accomplished #68 Start an Xmas tradition and carry it on forever, but I'm not sure when I actually get to count that as completed?) I'll update on this soon and you can decide.

And that is really about it. Not that I feel unaccomplished this year. I've actually come pretty far. I am starting to feel relaxed more often, which is fairly foreign to me. I am starting to feel okay when people come to my house and it's covered in goldfish crackers or dishes are stacked in the sink - not that I aspire to live in a pit, but I'm working to be less uptight about having company over in general. I'm more comfortable taking The Cupcake out into the world, more confident that we will have fun adventures and less worried about her melting down or making a scene - again, I'm re-setting my tolerance for being imperfect in public. I'm learning to strike out all the other verbs and just "be."

I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life or as a career, and that still scares me. But I'm doing a much better job of living right now, instead of 4 weeks/months/years down the road. Heck, I can't even tell you what I'll be doing next week (or what day it is today, honestly), so I'm learning to live outside of a schedule pretty well.

I think the biggest thing I've learned this year is that the stay at home mom mantra is true: the days are long, but the years are short.

Some days are very, very long. Most of the days of my pregnancy were full of nausea and heartburn. Much of TC's first year was a haze of sleep deprivation. The second was non-stop action and some days I begged for a nap myself (or just some time to sit), but those long days eventually faded into short years - has it been another one already? Will I have a 2-year-old at the end of the week?

Yes. And we will celebrate with a delightful party, one that is small and manageable but also a reason to splurge and try a few crafts and take a lot of photos. A chance to gather the family and our closest friends around an absurdly big bowl of ice cream, dress TC in a special outfit she will probably only wear that once, and listen to her laugh and try to make everyone around her do the same. I will probably stress about it, and run late, and order too much food - but then I will sit down, and relax, and enjoy the evening as I am just now learning to do.

A lot of mommybloggers say that their kids teach them all sorts of lessons, and I suppose mine does too, but what stands out to me more is what I've learned not from my kid, but from being her mom. Being a mom. I've been humbled. I'm continually struck by how difficult it is to parent, mostly in the tiny little decisions or enduring the situations in which we have no decision, let alone the big scary ones we fret over so much. I'm shocked and surprised at my own reaction to things, and how I never could have anticipated the way I'd feel in any of these situations, or how I'd react, or that I'd even face many of them. I'm then shocked and surprised again that I can realize these changes and step back to look at my whole life, and everyone else's around me, differently. 

There have been few tremendous highs this year, and several terrible lows - we lost family members, including our longtime companion Norm. Illness struck our extended family. Cars broke, stuff wore out, money was tight.

But mostly, it was okay.
We were okay.
We had what we needed, we wanted what we had, and there was a wonderful peace in that. 

I think in 2013 I may not resolve to reach as many heights as I sometimes feel I should. I am often guilty of "letting the perfect be the enemy of the good", and that creates a cycle of stress that is self defeating and not fun. So, instead, maybe I'll just live in the middle for a while, and enjoy the peace between extremes. I'll check some things off my bucketlist if it works out, and I'll keep working towards some more organization, surrounding myself with things and people and tasks that make me happy, but I won't push it. I'll just be.

Stuff I'm NOT doing...

-  cutting my hair for a few more inches so I can knock "donate to Locks of Love" off of my bucket list. Not sure if I'll make it, as the urge to chop is pretty strong, but I'm getting really good at the rolled up ponytail I wear every day. I'm also growing out my bangs and remembering why I swore I'd never have bangs again...last time I had half grown-out bangs...

- painting our bedrooms. Despite having $100 in paint cluttering up the kitchen floor, I just can't seem to make time for this project, and I just don't really want to do it. Especially now that it's too cold to leave the windows open. Boo for lack of motivation.

- putting up holiday decorations. I didn't put up a single Halloween or Thanksgiving item. It was weird to have spent MONTHS in previous years on Halloween, and this year there was zero evidence in my house. I used to make whole photo albums of decor! In theory I'm going to try some Xmas goodies this year, but in reality - I guess we'll see.

- crossing stuff off my bucket list. I've hit a dry spell in my progression. Part of it is financial - a big part - seeing as stay at home momming doesn't really leave a lot of discretionary funds for travel, shopping, and babysitters, but part of it is just a differing of priorities right now. I may have to add some "with The Cupcake" things to my list, which are the more urgent goals in my life right now.

- roller skating. I miss it. I kept meaning to go and bring TC in her stroller (one of our area rinks allows it) but their open skate is always during naptime, and she's starting to be able to escape from her stroller too easily, I don't want to be caught on wheels chasing after her or trying to tackle her. So I guess now I wait for her to start skating too? :) Or maybe just for a babysitter?

- reading. I just finished "The Passage" and I can't decide if I liked it. I do enjoy myself some vampire literature, and post-apocalyptic stories, but it was so BLEAK. And every time I got into one storyline, it abandoned it for a new one. So I'm going to wait on the sequel, at least till the cheap paperback comes out. What should I read next? I need something fluffier.

Take a picture, it will last longer

I was REALLY excited this morning to attend Heather Barta's "Life at Play" photography workshop geared specifically at moms interested in photographing their children. I've had my "nice camera" for a couple years now (wow! More than that even, now that I look!) and I've pretty much only used the manual settings and never been able to figure out lighting/flash use very well. a

The Cupcake doesn't hold still for long (or at all) these days, and while she is cute as a button in "real" life, she's not terribly photogenic, and I keep catching her at moments like this:

(no, we didn't feed her lemons. Pretty sure that pucker is all about teething - bringing on the molars).

Much to the grandparents' dismay, I've been struggling and not really taking a lot of photos or getting good shots lately, so this came up as a great time.

I didn't learn anything groundbreaking, but I learned exactly the basics I needed to dramatically improve my photos - the basic shutter/aperature/ISO triangle and how to change said settings on my camera (a few things that were NOT in the manual!). We had a short "lesson", fiddled with our cameras, and then got to practice on Heather:

And then she brought in some of her clients for us to practice what we had learned on:

We descended like paparazzi :)

Perhaps the biggest "tip" I got was the advice to buy a new lens - the "kit" lens most of us had only went down to a 3.5 aperature, which meant we needed a very high ISO to counter for the dreary day, or indoors in general. Even then, I felt like my pics were a little flat, or the high ISO risked being grainy. Heather let us try her preferred 50mm/1.4 aperature and the difference was AMAZING:

it felt a little weird because you don't have zoom, you have to mover yourself instead. But the difference in photos was instantaneously apparent. Since one of my major problems has been lighting, the larger aperature helps immensely - letting more light in without trying to manipulate the flash is easier and more flattering. I was convinced. I hit National Camera on my way home and came home with a similar lens - 35mm 1.8 aperature, which allows me a slightly bigger field. I raced home and couldn't wait for The Cupcake to wake up from her nap so I could try it out:

AND I LOVE IT!

SUCH A DIFFERENCE!

I FINALLY FEEL LIKE I'M USING MY CAMERA!

I still caught a few pretty terrible/hilarious faces, such as this shriveled gnome during dinner time:

But even then, it's well lit and a way better photo overall! (She was actually laughing, but I guess it's an ugly laugh. I about had tears when I saw it, from laughing so hard myself!) That's banana all over her nose.

I'm definitely looking forward to getting some egg gathering shots tomorrow if the weather agrees (and if I can chase TC quickly enough). Grandmas, I'm working on sending you both some photos! I promise now! And while it may be bold, I'm also ready to cross off the other half of #12 on the bucket list - Learn to take great photos and get a “real”
camera. I'm sure I'll continue to improve, but I think I've taken a GIANT leap forward and I'm feeling pretty good about it so far!

Now if only I wasn't already 13 months behind on scrapbooks...

:)

In the Closet

I haven't been able to do much on my bucket list since I checked off "#2: Have a child," but I am working on one item little by little. It's number 156: Love all the clothes in my closet. And it's a pretty big deal. I mentioned before that I've drastically changed sizes over the past year and a half, and I'm currently finding myself down to a size 10 for the first time in more than a decade, and while I've never been too focused on my weight, wow is this making shopping a LOT more fun! Now, if only I had some MONEY to shop with :)

But as much as buying new clothes is important, the other and perhaps larger task in this project is getting RID of things. My closet is more or less full, I own clothing...I just don't love it. I don't even like it all. And I don't want to be bogged down by it anymore.

I'm sick of throwing on clothes in a rush, and then being uncomfortable the rest of the day as they don't fit or flatter. I'm sick of getting all bent out of shape before I go somewhere because I "have nothing to wear." My life is very full. I barely have time for the things and people that I DO love, I'm done wasting it on things I don't. So I have some prioritizing to do.

Here are some of the rules I'm going by:

1. Always try it on. I've never been a catalog or online shopper, and I'm terrible at knowing how something will look on me or feel. So even if The Cupcake is throwing a fit, no buying and returning later - that's just double the work. Try it before you buy it.

2. If I don't immediately love it when I try it on, I don't buy it. Don't even consider it. There are so many beautiful things in the world these days, there is no need to settle or talk myself into something - I don't have $$$ to waste on things I don't love. In the past if something was a really great deal it has sort of elevated my opinion of it - but no more. No instant love = no sale.

3. If it is inconvenient, it goes away. If it needs to be hemmed or taken in or otherwise repaired - even if it's a great deal - no sale. I just don't have time to get to those things right now, and I know it.

4. Consider the ladies. This means if I can't wear a bra, or would have to buy some sort of special bra, or if my straps would hang out and annoy the crap out of me all day, no sale. When I got my mermaid I went out and bought a bunch of backless shirts...but stick on bras suck. I end up cupping myself all day, and that's just not a good look. Perhaps in some really specific situations this might be allowed (formal wear?) but for daily outfits - no go.

5. It all goes in the wash. I hate to iron, and I definitely don't have time in my day for it. I'll never hand wash garments either. And I can't really afford to dry clean. Everything in my life has to tolerate puke, poop, and pureed carrots (which stain like a b!@#$). I don't have time right now for high maintenance clothes.

6. If it's too big, it goes away. I know, I know, this might not be permanent weight loss, and maybe I'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe if I gain it back or keep shrinking - but I don't have room to keep multiple separate wardrobes, and I'm sick of grabbing clothes that seem okay in the morning, and are falling off my hips halfway through the day. If I wear something, and it proves to be annoyingly large - it's going in the GET RID OF bins, the same way I am constantly rotating TC's wardrobe.

(GET RID OF method is yet to be determined. I'd love to have a yard sale, or put everything on ebay, take it to a consignment shop, or otherwise profit from it - but that takes SO MUCH TIME. For now, it's all getting piled in boxes in the attic).

7. The Norm rule. This has been in effect for...oh, 11 years now. Norm is mostly white, and constantly freaked out, which means my house is COVERED in tiny white hairs that stick to everything. Especially black clothes. Or navy. Or anything fleece. I haven't seen hubby in a black t-shirt forever. When I was working full time I occasionally had "work only" black clothes that I rarely wore around the house, but now that I'm home more than away, it really doesn't make sense to invest in things I can almost never wear. Nina Garcia would not survive in my house :)

I'm trying to pay more attention to clothes that can work together, though I've never been able to limit myself in terms of colors. I have an odd attachment to tie dye, I know, but I'm okay with that. I'm trying to ease up on the sparkles - if only because they often complicate rule #5, but also glitter and studs are a baby hazard (gasp!) so I'm toning it down a little...at least until I can wear jewelry again :) (TC has a mean grip and lightning speed, she WILL rip that crap right off of you). While my life is pretty messy right now, I don't need to keep "paint clothes" or things "I might wear in the mud" - keeping clothes BECAUSE they are ruined already is silly, that's what aprons and bleach are for.

I've hauled 3 giant laundry baskets out of my bedroom so far, and since I had TC I believe I've purchased 3 pairs of pants and 12 tops - plus a bunch of jeans from the goodwill. Half of those jeans ended up violating my "rules" above and got the axe - mostly because I found myself hiking them up all day long, I'm just NOT made for low rise jeans, and there are better options for me. Hoping to finish this project by the end of the year, get some photos up of what I'm keeping and ditching, and slowly build my closet back up while keeping to the rules above.

Bucket List #100: Get my car detailed

I really should have taken some before photos, but it would have been too embarassing to post them. Most people's cars get gross after they have kids, but mine was almost too gross to subject a gooey projectile vomiting kid to, and that's not exaggerating. There were no floor mats, though you probably couldn't tell. There was more dog fur than Norm is currently wearing. And at some point an entire package of silver thumb tacks spilled everywhere and I continued to find them for years. So it was definitely time. And I was scared that whatever was probably growing under the seats could be hazardous to my daughter's health.

So the car went in, with the plan being have the trunk fixed (it stopped locking...which made it a guessing game whenever you put something in there - would it fly open and spill all over the highway? Would someone come along and realize they could just lift the lid and help themselves to my belongings? Not good) and splurge on a detailing.

And of course, it all went wrong from there.

The trunk problem was more than the latch, it was also the struts. And then the wrong struts came. And then only one of the right ones came, so they had to wait again. And my brakes were gone. And when they took apart the brakes to replace them, the knuckles were stripped so that had to be fixed or the car couldn't go back together.

This is why I avoid regular timely car maitenance, it always spirals into a giant disaster and I am traumatized. Which only means I save up even more problems for the next time. Viscious cycle.

Eventually they got it all put together, and I had to give back the cushy courtesy car we'd been tooling around in for over a week, along with a nice big chunk of $$$ that was certainly NOT in the budget at this time...

But the car is clean. And The Cupcake is safe from mutant french fries, thumb tacks, and whatever else was making a cozy home in the rubble.

P.S.
If you google image search "car detailing," you get a ton of half naked ladies washing cars. Guess I had no idea what was going on when I dropped off my little family car.

[MN]Love and Marriage

The [MN]Love campaign was started to encourage marriage equity in our state. It grew in reaction to the legislative initiative to put a proposed amendment to the Minnesota State Constitution on the 2012 ballot. The amendment would define marriage as between one man and one woman, writing the discrimination against homosexual couples directly into the state's governing document. While our state legislators could not seem to find time to pass a budget (thus resulting in the impending government shut down, with its significant economic toll and many paychecks lost for state employees who actually DO their jobs...), they somehow decided it was a priority to ban gay marriages. Constitutionally.

In every other state where a similar vote has been brought to the people, gay marriage has been banned.

In support of the amendment, groups like NOM (National Organization for Marriage - yeah, right) have launched high-buck public relations campaigns ranging from disingenuous to down right offensive. I'm choosing not to quote or link to any of them.

Instead, I joined the [MN]Love campaign and had a family photo taken by Simon Scott Stromberg.

The "Marriage is..." Campaign asks Minnesotans to define what marriage means to them, and to share the photos "as a sign of your support for equality in our great and LOVING state!" I chose to get involved because I think these photos are a beautiful, personal, and truthful refutation of NOM's lies.

Anyone can have a wedding, but the legal ramifications of marriage are what truly define it for me and many other Minnesotans. As a married couple, we are officially a family unit for tax purposes, insurance benefits, Medicare, and social security. We have protections as far as custody of our daughter, survivorship, and next-of-kin decisions regarding medical care and end of life situations. If our relationship ends poorly, we have protections in the form of a process to follow dividing our assets, debts, custody, etc. In addition to the personal vows we took, we signed a legal document to become a married unit which reaffirms that marriage is a serious decision you cannot simply walk away from or reverse without consequence.

Fewer and fewer young people are choosing marriage these days. Marriage might be in danger, but it is in no way because of GLBT couples seeking these same protections. Allowing gay marriage would strengthen my, and every other marriage in the state by showing it is an important legal transaction. Legal marriage encourages a culture of monogamy, commitment, and stability. All of these things are good for families, for public health, and for the economy.

Weddings, the celebration of a marriage pump millions of dollars into the state economy each year, and we are way behind on extending marriage to this 10%+ of the population - in these hard economic times, why on earth would we not welcome these celebrations?

This is not a "gay issue." Please do not think it doesn't affect you if you are already married or allowed to marry - an act of bigotry written into our state constitution harms us all. It devalues not only our marriages, but every other law and foundation of our government when we allow corrupt ideals to find legal footing. Be sure to vote NO on the amendment in 2012 - I want The Cupcake to grow up in a state where she aspires to be married and have a family (if Grandkids are anywhere as amazing as GrammyCupcakes seems to think they are), where that decision is hers to make (with a little input from mom, of course), and where we support healthy, loving relationships of all forms.

The most important part of marriage is likely not the legal transaction, it is the promises. When two people enter a union, they set the parameters of their relationship in terms of what they value - be it religious, social, familial, etc. It is what makes every relationship unique and why we choose the partner we do - because we wish to build a life together under shared ideals. This part of marriage is not legislated, but without the legal aspect of marriage it is only recognized by and significant to the couple involved. We need the legal aspect of marriage to make it more than a fading tradition, and to give value to ALL marriages, including those based on different belief systems than our own. It is why I believe that

"Marriage is OUR choice, not our neighbors'."



This isn't American Idol. This shouldn't be up for a vote. Our politicians should be ashamed of themselves for making it into one - we certainly didn't vote on any of their marriages, nor should we. Now that they have taken this action, it is important to act. Vote NO on the constitutional amendment in 2012, don't write discrimination into the constitution.

Get involved:
[MN]Love
Minnesotans United for All Families

Heads Up: Bucket List #86, Join a Protest

There are a lot of things I wish I could change about our government, and I should act and speak out on such issues more than I do, but I know I cannot sit idly by and let our state write bigotry INTO THE CONSTITUTION. How embarrassing and shameful for all of us. This is not the example I want to set for The Cupcake, nor the environment I want her raised in.

So over the next year my family will be joining the movement to defeat Chapter 88, SF 1308, an act proposing an amendment to the Minnesota Constitution recognizing marriage as "only a union between one man and one woman" - AKA the gay marriage ban. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
Me, hubs, & the Cupcake are planning to counter this (As Expected, Anti-Gay Groups Preparing Propaganda Blitz In Minnesota) by participating in this:


(click to zoom)

Spaghetti dinner + [MN]Love photo shoot (similar to the NOH8 campaign)+ setting an example of tolerance and civic participation for our daughter = time well spent. This will be a very special family photo in her scrapbook.

“Minnesota is better than this. Minnesotans are better than this. I urge Minnesotans to reject this amendment.” ~Gov. Mark Dayton

P.S. I finally had a chance to spend some time on my blog, and have actually started to do a little crafting again, so if I lost you in the post-baby lethargy, please come back - I'll have new posts going up almost daily for the next couple weeks at least!

Reflections: 2010 Resolutions

I had this post half written and with plans to post on 1-4-11, but I got a little sidetracked with the whole labor/motherhood/survival with a newborn phase of life I entered. But now that I'm sorta sometimes finding a few minutes to myself (hands free pumping bra = NECESSITY! How did I not have one for 3 weeks?!?!) I'm hoping to actually get back to the blog, and this is a decent place to start - looking back, and planning ahead.

So, how did you do in 2010? Was it everything you wanted it to be and more? Did you find your true calling and move mountains and sing about lollipops and rainbows?

Mine wasn't quite that grand (definitely fades in comparison to 2011 already), but I give myself a solid C+ when it comes to my resolutions for this past year. In case you forget:

Original resolution posting
Mid year resolution check

I managed to hit a home run on a few of these:

- Cross at least 6 items off of my Bucket List (that's 1 every 2 months)
BIG WIN! In 2010 I: attended a roller derby bout, flew on a trapeze, won at bingo, helped throw a surprise party, officiated a wedding, and had my fortune told. I definitely get a gold star on that resolution!

- Take more photos, learn to take better ones
Though I've been pretty terrible lately about uploading & blogging them, I have definitely taken more photos this year, and I *think* I can say I'm getting a little better. The most important thing I've learned is to force people to stop and smile for me, which I generally do by threatening to post everything on facebook whether or not they smile - and clearly, they're going to look better if they cooperate :) Though my favorite photo of the year doesn't involve ANYONE smiling, I'm in love with this image from Halloween:



- Keep up with photo albums - within 1 month of events
This is another one I feel AWESOME about accomplishing! Other than being behind on the weddings of 2009 (we had 6...and I only have photos of 3...but I'm getting bolder about harassing people into handing over a few pics, i.e. Jen/Jess/Pat :) I'm coming for you!) I'm really doing excellent on my digital scrapbooking! I am still technically a representative for Heritage Makers, and I have LOVED using their system to keep everything organized, I try to upload pics there within a week of the event, and get to the journaling ASAP before I forget everything. I've gotten quicker and more efficient on the embellishments, and I really love what I've been creating lately.

- Take a real vacation with my husband. Actually go somewhere, just the two of us. We've been together 10 years (in January 2010), and never had a big solo vacation!

We almost scrapped this one when we found out I was pregnant with The Cupcake, but after much waffling (and since we already had expensive airline tickets) we decided to push forward with a trip to New York. It was a little difficult being 10 weeks or so along(I was really sick & pretty exhausted), but who knows now when we'd get the opportunity again, so I'm glad we went for it. Highlights were seeing friends and eating some AMAZING meals, seeing the Broadway production of American Idiot and visiting the Bronx Zoo.



- Bring my lunch to work more often. Like at least sometimes :) I'm so bad at this.

Getting pregnant actually helped significantly with this! The further along I got, the worse my heartburn was, so I had a fairly limited diet towards the end. I was drinking 1/2 gallon of milk per day, lots of jell-o, oatmeal, and other bland foods. It was easier to bring in a huge stash and eat throughout the day than exert the energy (and money) to go out for a full meal.

And then we reach the less successful resolutions...

- Organize my craft room again, and keep it that way for the whole year

Massive fail. It's a deathtrap up there. Probably not likely to be cleared up for quite a while. Yay for closing the door and letting it sit till I can catch up :)


- Stick to a realistic budget this Halloween, while still having the best party ever

Hmmm...how to judge. I massively blew my budget. But I enjoyed the party :)




- Develop a career plan. Decide what I want to be...now that I AM grown up!
No idea. For the time being, I'm going to try and survive my new post as mom :)


- File my receipts and bills at least monthly...and catch up with the ones thrown in a box from the past many years.
Fail. Though I have started to sort through some of it now that I'm on maternity leave, mostly because I have no idea where all my tax documents are (that I'll need soon).


- Create and pursue happiness actively

Work in progress. But I'm getting better at it. I'm finding joy in small things, and making time for what makes me happy, not just what I feel I should do.





- Start writing letters. Real letters on paper.

Fell off the priority list. Refile for a few years in the future :)


- Pay down debt. Significantly. Maybe even start saving.

Progress made. 2011 is starting off good in this area, which makes everything else more attainable.


I'm not making resolutions for 2011. I don't need to. I have so many changes and adventures ahead of me, I just hope to survive, keep an open mind, and enjoy as much of it as I can. Happy New Year to me:

Bucketlist #126 Have my fortune told or cards read

I've been meaning to get this posted for a few months now, but as I review my resolutions and accomplishments for 2010 I wanted to make sure I "credit" myself for this one :)

Each year for Halloween I've tried to add some sort of entertainment to our annual party, something for guests to "do" besides socialize and imbibe (not that those activities aren't fully endorsed as well). This year I tried extra hard to actually match the entertainment to the theme, and decided to hire a psychic. New Orleans is (apparently - I've never been there) full of psychic shops and storefronts, and with the soon to be nursery decked out as a voodoo shop, it would be a perfect venue.




With the help of Google, I settled on Penny of RavenHawke LLC. She had all sorts of credentials that I don't fully understand, instead my reasons for choosing her were 1. she was available and 2. she appeared to be a live human being, in addition to having a legible website. We signed a contract MONTHS before the actual party, and then continued to check in periodically to make sure everything was still on. It was, and she showed up all professional and on time, ready for an evening of psychic readings, palmistry, and tarot.



People really got excited about it! There was a line most of the night, and she ended up staying even later than I had paid her for to get through everyone who wanted a reading. (Thanks, Penny!) From what I heard there weren't too many startling discoveries - a lot of people were told they needed more rest, they had found their soul mate, and other fairly simple things, a few people got reassurance that situations would work out or that their path was correct.

(Random semi-mean thought: If I were a psychic I'd totally tell people they DID NOT find their soul mates. Wouldn't that make for much more interesting parties? Especially since I paid her up front, it wasn't like she had to keep people happy :) But oh well, maybe all my friends really do have amazing wonderful love lives, and everyone found their destiny. Who knows...)



When I finally got a chance to sneak into line, I was planning on tarot but opted for the palmistry at the last minute, because for some reason I had the sudden idea it would be more "scientific" and therefore somehow valid. Who knows, I was tired and pregnant and hopped up on strawberry compote and vanilla ice cream :) Here's what I remember of my fortune:

She said I have 6 guardian angels, a "teacher's square", and my normally strong communication skills are being drown out by my extreme exhaustion. She suggested I get more rest. I also have some psychic markings, suggesting I rely on my intuition, and I am logically driven but use emotion to make decisions in the end.

Some fairly general ideas, but some details that could be seen as pretty relevant, and nothing that seemed way off base. It was a pretty fun experience, and having a psychic as party entertainment worked twofold - it was of course fun and exciting to have your own fortunes revealed, but it was just as fun if not more so to listen in on the readings of other guests. Do I sorta wish she had been a cheesy over the top Madame Cleo type psychic? Yeah, probably. But I suppose "authentic" has it's purpose too :)

Anyways, check another item off my bucket list, because in addition to providing party entertainment, Madame Penny also fulfilled #126 - have my fortune told or cards read = DONE!

Bucket List # 101: Officiate a Wedding

On Saturday, August 21, 2010 I checked another biggie off my bucket list - #101, officiate a wedding! I'm a little late in blogging on this, mostly because I didn't have any photos to go along with it (I thought bringing my camera up with me might get in the way), but now that the bride & groom are back from their honeymoon, I've been lucky enough to oooh and ahhh over the professional photos and write up the experience! Warning - this is a GORGEOUS wedding with a BEAUTIFUL bride, you may not be able to look away! But first, here's me in my formal role:



Do I look official enough? I am, indeed, a legally recognized wedding officiant in the states of Minnesota, New York, Wisconsin (with a note), and possibly Iowa, I keep forgetting to check. I became ordained shortly after my own wedding, where the brilliant officiant FORGOT TO FILE THE MARRIAGE LICENSE (legally required within 5 days) until I finally got ahold of him a month later and he recalled it was "in his truck" and he'd been "meaning to get to that." UH, WTF? With my love of event planning and background in public speaking I figured I could at least do a better job than he did, and became ordained through the Universal Life Church. I filed my credentials with the states I wanted to be recognized in, paid some filing fees, and voila! Instant officiant!



Fast forward a few years: I had never really pursued booking a wedding, until one of my closest friends asked if I would perform her marriage. Jana and I had been friends since high school (after a short stint as mortal enemies, which is hilarious in retrospect), and I immediately agreed and was so honored to be a part of her big day. I knew I'd be emotional and a little nervous, but I had no idea when I accepted that I'd be 5 months pregnant and totally hormonal on top of it! Nor did Jana, but for some reason she stayed calm and didn't fire me...



The maid of honor, another high school friend, was supposed to keep me from crying by making faces or some other silliness when I started to crumble...but before we even walked out the door, she burst into tears herself! Oh no! I put on a brave face and marched down the aisle.



That morning had been cool and foggy, but by the time we were about to start the ceremony it was bright and sunny. We stood overlooking the shores of Lake Superior on a large outdoor patio.



I think I was shaking pretty hard as I opened the ceremony, and I flubbed one early line, but somehow the rest of it flowed pretty smoothly. I had written my own opening remarks, a welcome with wishes for the couple that was both funny and heartfelt (I hope - that's what I was going for at least).



We got more laughs in the middle, when Jana tried to put Justin's ring on the wrong hand...which didn't fit, but she wouldn't let that stand, so she basically twisted and wrenched it until she realized the mistake. The sweet groom just stood there and let her abuse him. He's well trained already! It was very funny and memorable, especially when the bride exclaimed, exasperated, "Is this the wrong hand?!?!"



Jana had sent me the vows, but really gave me free reign on the rest of the ceremony. Though I'm not religious, I found a beautiful poem for the closing words that I think fit the occasion perfectly:

The Wedding Prayer, By Robert Louis Stevenson:

Lord, behold our family here assembled.
We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow,
for the health, the work, the food,
and the bright skies that make our lives delightful;
for our friends in all parts of the earth.
Amen.

And then I got to say those magical words - and they were REAL! - "By the power vested in my by the State of Minnesota, I now pronounce you husband & wife. Would you like to kiss the bride?"



(He did)
(And they lived Happily Ever After)
(And I filed the marriage license on time)

Jana and Justin, thank you so much for including me in your wedding, it was absolutely beautiful. I wish you health, wealth, and happiness for all of your days!

All of the above were shot by John at Celebration Photography.