I know I had fun yesterday, and was even mentally putting together a "brought me joy" post, but I never got around to getting it out and now...I can't remember what I was going to talk about.
I actually can't really remember what I did yesterday.
There are a LOT of things I can't remember. It's frankly starting to freak me out.
My short term memory has gotten progressively worse since The Cupcake's arrival, and I'm assuming (hoping) that it's just hormones or lack of sleep. That sounds probable, and much less expensive than any of the alternatives, especially since we have pretty crappy insurance right now. Did I already talk about the study that found mice who are woken up a lot during the night act like drunken amnesiacs?
(Note: I had to check. I really thought I had written about this. Guess not. Searching "Drunken Amnesiac Mice" returned zero results on my blog - BUT NOT ANYMORE!)
Anyways, Good Morning America or something similar did a tiny little segment recently on a "new study" that found mice who were woken up repeatedly during the night acted all crazy and could not keep their shiz together.
Huh, who knew? Maybe...EVERY MOM EVER? Or maybe it's just me...totally possible...
So this is a very long and rambling way to say TC still wakes up 2-25 times a night, and even when she IS sleeping, I wake up and stare at her, or think about the other 500 things I need to do.
But I keep hearing it all gets better...right?
Also, do you love that I can't remember what day of the week it is, but the phrase "drunken amnesiacs" stuck in my brain clearly? I kind of do too.
As I was trying to remember the point of this post, I googled "sleep study mice drunken amnesiac" and found an article about the study in question. The good news is IT'S NOT JUST ME! At least one Portland mom and a bunch of lab rats have the same problem. However, the article cites no remedies, solutions, or is hazy about whether or not I should hope for sleep ever again.
What were we talking about?
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Snugabunny
I mentioned this swing in my last post - it is a lifesaver. Or at least a sanity saver. When The Cupcake was born, she liked to be held. A lot. And she was the only child, the first grandchild, the newest kid on the block, so we liked to hold her to.
But she liked to be held ALL.THE.TIME. She wouldn't sleep otherwise, and when you are home all day with an infant there comes a time when you have to put them down so you can accomplish a few things (i.e. empty your bladder, hose off the puke, eat something more substantial than a granola bar). By the time she was about six weeks, I was getting pretty desperate. Then I ordered this:
It was a LOT of money for me, somewhere around $170 I think, but I put all of my faith (probably more than was healthy) into this swing. The swing just HAD to work. It was sold out at Target so I ordered it from Toys R Us (where it was slightly higher, but we had a small gift card to put towards it) and counted down the moments until it arrived. I immediately dumped out the package...and in my sleep deprived haze, there were 2 pieces I simply could NOT fit together.
And I cried.
At some point I pulled myself back together and called my dad, who came over to help the next day. About 4 seconds later, the swing was assembled and I popped TC right in.
She was immediately captured by the mirrored underside of the mobile. Yes, our little Cupcake is a bit vain, she adores looking at herself in the mirror. Score 1 for the Snugabunny. She also likes to hear how pretty she is, so I'm sure we're building a monster, but we'll address that another time.
Part of the reason I chose this swing was that it could be plugged into the wall instead of burning through batteries, so we plugged it in, held our breath, and within moments:
and then I cried again, but they were happy tears. Relieved tears. Hope for a future when I could possibly take a pee break tears.
She doesn't ALWAYS fall asleep in there, but she still does pretty often. This is just last week:
And Easter morning:
The music is actually not at all annoying, possibly even soothing, and there are several settings and a volume control. The mirrored underside of the mobile is genius. Now that she's starting to bend and twist on her own we've had to start buckling her in so she doesn't heave herself out, but she still manages to fall asleep in there a fair amount of time. I only wish we had sprung for it sooner, it was worth every penny.
Honestly, just that first nap NOT in my arms was probably worth a lot more than $170 :)
But she liked to be held ALL.THE.TIME. She wouldn't sleep otherwise, and when you are home all day with an infant there comes a time when you have to put them down so you can accomplish a few things (i.e. empty your bladder, hose off the puke, eat something more substantial than a granola bar). By the time she was about six weeks, I was getting pretty desperate. Then I ordered this:
It was a LOT of money for me, somewhere around $170 I think, but I put all of my faith (probably more than was healthy) into this swing. The swing just HAD to work. It was sold out at Target so I ordered it from Toys R Us (where it was slightly higher, but we had a small gift card to put towards it) and counted down the moments until it arrived. I immediately dumped out the package...and in my sleep deprived haze, there were 2 pieces I simply could NOT fit together.
And I cried.
At some point I pulled myself back together and called my dad, who came over to help the next day. About 4 seconds later, the swing was assembled and I popped TC right in.
She was immediately captured by the mirrored underside of the mobile. Yes, our little Cupcake is a bit vain, she adores looking at herself in the mirror. Score 1 for the Snugabunny. She also likes to hear how pretty she is, so I'm sure we're building a monster, but we'll address that another time.
Part of the reason I chose this swing was that it could be plugged into the wall instead of burning through batteries, so we plugged it in, held our breath, and within moments:
and then I cried again, but they were happy tears. Relieved tears. Hope for a future when I could possibly take a pee break tears.
She doesn't ALWAYS fall asleep in there, but she still does pretty often. This is just last week:
And Easter morning:
The music is actually not at all annoying, possibly even soothing, and there are several settings and a volume control. The mirrored underside of the mobile is genius. Now that she's starting to bend and twist on her own we've had to start buckling her in so she doesn't heave herself out, but she still manages to fall asleep in there a fair amount of time. I only wish we had sprung for it sooner, it was worth every penny.
Honestly, just that first nap NOT in my arms was probably worth a lot more than $170 :)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
To sleep, perchance to dream...
I was a sleepy baby, or so I'm told. While I can't vouch for the accuracy of the legends, I've been told that my mother went as far as to wake me up as an infant for visitors who swore that all I did was sleep. I've always enjoyed sleeping, and it was not uncommon for me to get 10 hours of sleep a night before I got pregnant.
Lord how the world changes.
I went into labor in the evening and despite the best efforts of my nurse, I didn't sleep a wink that night. Despite sending the kid to the nursery during our hospital stay, I never got more than 15 minutes of sleep in a row, and our first night home was completely awful, especially since we had to be back at the pediatrician the net morning. I don't believe I slept a wink. That meant from Monday - Friday I was operating on less than 5 hours of sleep, TOTAL. On the way home from the doctor, while sitting in the back seat next to the carseat, I had a conversation that didn't exist, and not just talking to a baby who couldn't talk back, I was hallucinating.
I completely understand how sleep deprivation is an effective torture technique.
The Cupcake is 3 1/2 months old, and this is a delightful age. It's a hopeful age. For me, I feel hopeful. I feel so much better than I did in those first two months, when everything was hard and frustrating and potentially impossible, when I was so entirely exhausted that I wondered each and every day if the lack of sleep would just erode my sanity completely like water carving canyons and valleys out of rock.
When The Cupcake sleeps, everything seems possible again. The night before last, she slept from 5:30pm until 8 the next morning with just a few sleepy bottles in between. At first I held her and watched TV, checked my email. Then as the hours added up I started to poke her and study her, feel her temperature, contemplate what was surely wrong...but she was just very peaceful. At 11 the hubby and I woke her up completely to re dress and swaddle her for the night, and she cooed and sang and smiled like never before. She was utterly delightful, and then went right back to sleep. And I did the same. And it was wonderful.
And it made all the difference in the world.
Yesterday all things seemed achievable. I must have slept for 7-8 hours, not straight through the night but with short enough breaks that I felt almost rested in the morning. And the idea of feeling rested was energizing in itself. I awoke re-calibrated to my life, and somehow, the kid was STILL in a great mood. She lounged in her swing while I loaded the dishwasher, watched and cooed as I cleaned the bathroom, listened to the dishwasher swish while I folded laundry...
It may have been a very isolated incident, and indeed last night TC was much more fitful, fighting sleep until she melted down in tears and frustration sometime after 10, and she woke up three times between midnight and 4am, but just the idea...the experience...the light up ahead...
It's the same feeling I had when I attempted my first post-partum craft project. Cupcake was snoozing in her swing, and I attempted to cut out pieces for some paper crafted invitations. When I had finished, she was still asleep, so I started to assemble one...two...forty-three...and then I jumped for joy because for a while there I thought I might never get to finish another project again, heck, I might never clean off the dining room table again, and here I had sat down and done crafts. Awesome ones that I can't wait to share next month after the bridal shower, so I don't ruin any surprises.
So much has happened in the past 3 1/2 months. Every time I bend over I get excited at how easy it is to squat and reach my feet now, compared with the chore of late pregnancy. I can put away groceries and not have to be helped back up from the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. That's not the only thing that has gotten easier. Not only did I lose all of the limited baby weight I gained, but I'm down nearly 20lbs more (thank you breastpumping) and all of my clothes are falling off, including my wedding ring. What a delightful problem to have, one to be solved with a shopping spree eventually. Speaking of pumping (long story short: Cupcake wouldn't play along with breastfeeding, and after listening to everyone and their mother tell me what I "HAD" to do in order to raise a happy healthy daughter, I did what MY mom told me - "whatever works for you." So Cupcake is getting breastmilk, just not from the tap), operations at the dairy are almost old hat. I'm only chained to THE MACHINE 5 times a day now, and at work it's even a nice break - I look forward to sitting down in solitude with my Kindle for those two 20 minute stretches. My emotions are still slightly wacky, and I may have teared up this week while reading cards at Walgreens AND Tina Fey excerpts on Facebook, and let's not even discuss how I react to diaper commercials like the Pampers one about new moms...but I'm starting to get it.
Or at least believe that I will, eventually.
We even packed up our bags and went out to LUNCH yesterday with Dad/Grandpa, and babies + restaurants = MAJOR ANXIETY for me, so that was a HUGE step, my first time taking her to a restaurant all by myself and on purpose, and she was a perfect peach the entire time.
I have stories to share. I've probably forgotten more of them than I'll remember already, but I'll get back to it.
Someday she'll sleep through the night for real. Someday she'll even do it in her crib, and maybe I'll go back to sleeping in my own bed. And she will continue to smile and coo and laugh, and one day she'll talk and tell me what a great job I'm doing and thank you so much for all of the effort...
Or maybe not.
But she will sleep. And I will sleep. And that will heal so many things.
Lord how the world changes.
I went into labor in the evening and despite the best efforts of my nurse, I didn't sleep a wink that night. Despite sending the kid to the nursery during our hospital stay, I never got more than 15 minutes of sleep in a row, and our first night home was completely awful, especially since we had to be back at the pediatrician the net morning. I don't believe I slept a wink. That meant from Monday - Friday I was operating on less than 5 hours of sleep, TOTAL. On the way home from the doctor, while sitting in the back seat next to the carseat, I had a conversation that didn't exist, and not just talking to a baby who couldn't talk back, I was hallucinating.
I completely understand how sleep deprivation is an effective torture technique.
The Cupcake is 3 1/2 months old, and this is a delightful age. It's a hopeful age. For me, I feel hopeful. I feel so much better than I did in those first two months, when everything was hard and frustrating and potentially impossible, when I was so entirely exhausted that I wondered each and every day if the lack of sleep would just erode my sanity completely like water carving canyons and valleys out of rock.
When The Cupcake sleeps, everything seems possible again. The night before last, she slept from 5:30pm until 8 the next morning with just a few sleepy bottles in between. At first I held her and watched TV, checked my email. Then as the hours added up I started to poke her and study her, feel her temperature, contemplate what was surely wrong...but she was just very peaceful. At 11 the hubby and I woke her up completely to re dress and swaddle her for the night, and she cooed and sang and smiled like never before. She was utterly delightful, and then went right back to sleep. And I did the same. And it was wonderful.
And it made all the difference in the world.
Yesterday all things seemed achievable. I must have slept for 7-8 hours, not straight through the night but with short enough breaks that I felt almost rested in the morning. And the idea of feeling rested was energizing in itself. I awoke re-calibrated to my life, and somehow, the kid was STILL in a great mood. She lounged in her swing while I loaded the dishwasher, watched and cooed as I cleaned the bathroom, listened to the dishwasher swish while I folded laundry...
It may have been a very isolated incident, and indeed last night TC was much more fitful, fighting sleep until she melted down in tears and frustration sometime after 10, and she woke up three times between midnight and 4am, but just the idea...the experience...the light up ahead...
It's the same feeling I had when I attempted my first post-partum craft project. Cupcake was snoozing in her swing, and I attempted to cut out pieces for some paper crafted invitations. When I had finished, she was still asleep, so I started to assemble one...two...forty-three...and then I jumped for joy because for a while there I thought I might never get to finish another project again, heck, I might never clean off the dining room table again, and here I had sat down and done crafts. Awesome ones that I can't wait to share next month after the bridal shower, so I don't ruin any surprises.
So much has happened in the past 3 1/2 months. Every time I bend over I get excited at how easy it is to squat and reach my feet now, compared with the chore of late pregnancy. I can put away groceries and not have to be helped back up from the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. That's not the only thing that has gotten easier. Not only did I lose all of the limited baby weight I gained, but I'm down nearly 20lbs more (thank you breastpumping) and all of my clothes are falling off, including my wedding ring. What a delightful problem to have, one to be solved with a shopping spree eventually. Speaking of pumping (long story short: Cupcake wouldn't play along with breastfeeding, and after listening to everyone and their mother tell me what I "HAD" to do in order to raise a happy healthy daughter, I did what MY mom told me - "whatever works for you." So Cupcake is getting breastmilk, just not from the tap), operations at the dairy are almost old hat. I'm only chained to THE MACHINE 5 times a day now, and at work it's even a nice break - I look forward to sitting down in solitude with my Kindle for those two 20 minute stretches. My emotions are still slightly wacky, and I may have teared up this week while reading cards at Walgreens AND Tina Fey excerpts on Facebook, and let's not even discuss how I react to diaper commercials like the Pampers one about new moms...but I'm starting to get it.
Or at least believe that I will, eventually.
We even packed up our bags and went out to LUNCH yesterday with Dad/Grandpa, and babies + restaurants = MAJOR ANXIETY for me, so that was a HUGE step, my first time taking her to a restaurant all by myself and on purpose, and she was a perfect peach the entire time.
I have stories to share. I've probably forgotten more of them than I'll remember already, but I'll get back to it.
Someday she'll sleep through the night for real. Someday she'll even do it in her crib, and maybe I'll go back to sleeping in my own bed. And she will continue to smile and coo and laugh, and one day she'll talk and tell me what a great job I'm doing and thank you so much for all of the effort...
Or maybe not.
But she will sleep. And I will sleep. And that will heal so many things.
Monday, March 14, 2011
The end is near...
As we close in on 10 weeks I alternate between terror and denial that I have to return to work soon. This is compounded by the fact that up until recently I had been counting wrong and have to go back even a week earlier than I thought. Boo.
It's not so much that I'm overly attached - I know she'll be in good hands with her doting grandmother. It's much more selfish than that.
I'm not ready to be part of the world again yet.
I'm just starting to get the hang of this. I'm just starting to feel like the pump isn't ruling my life (or ruining my life).
I'm not all that bothered by not bathing or getting dressed each day, and I definitely don't miss laboring over my hair or makeup. I spend my days like this:
And that thing, that creature, that little parasite on my lap - I think she's just starting to get the hang of it too:
She's sorta kinda sometimes sleeping for six hours at night. She's still unbelievably pukey, but she usually follows each eruption with a big smile. She has a great smile:
It's still really hard. I get frustrated when I can't just make something to eat whenever I'm hungry or run to the store easily, heck, it's hard to even fit in a bathroom break. I am still exhausted, and don't foresee catching up anytime soon. I'm not sure how I'll force myself to stay awake at my less than thrilling desk job. I'm not sure how to keep myself from gaining a million pounds when I have that uninterrupted time to eat again. I don't know what I'll do when I can't catch a little cat nap with this booger on my chest:
"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." ~Carl Sandburg
It's not so much that I'm overly attached - I know she'll be in good hands with her doting grandmother. It's much more selfish than that.
I'm not ready to be part of the world again yet.
I'm just starting to get the hang of this. I'm just starting to feel like the pump isn't ruling my life (or ruining my life).
I'm not all that bothered by not bathing or getting dressed each day, and I definitely don't miss laboring over my hair or makeup. I spend my days like this:
And that thing, that creature, that little parasite on my lap - I think she's just starting to get the hang of it too:
She's sorta kinda sometimes sleeping for six hours at night. She's still unbelievably pukey, but she usually follows each eruption with a big smile. She has a great smile:
It's still really hard. I get frustrated when I can't just make something to eat whenever I'm hungry or run to the store easily, heck, it's hard to even fit in a bathroom break. I am still exhausted, and don't foresee catching up anytime soon. I'm not sure how I'll force myself to stay awake at my less than thrilling desk job. I'm not sure how to keep myself from gaining a million pounds when I have that uninterrupted time to eat again. I don't know what I'll do when I can't catch a little cat nap with this booger on my chest:
"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." ~Carl Sandburg
Sunday, March 06, 2011
A dirty schizophrenic hermit
The Cupcake hit 2 months old yesterday, by which time a lot of kids are in daycare and their moms back to reality, going about their daily lives as a part of society.
Reality? Huh? I think our paths diverged somewhere and you are nowhere in sight.
If I were a good little mommyblogger I would have shared a million funny stories with you by now, we would have bonded over the trauma and truth of birth (and afterbirth), or at the least bored you with endless photos of my child doing cute things. Like this one:
(Olivia Wagner Photography)
But I haven't made it there yet.
It's 4:30am and she's fast asleep (miracle).
But I'm not (d'oh).
(so peaceful when she is sleeping)
I woke up with a rock hard chest. Like an elephant was sitting on me, or I was buried under rocks. I tried to ignore it, flip over, burrow back in - to no avail. So I'm pumping and praying that she's still asleep when I finish, and that we both get a few more hours of rest. Especially since today is my first adventure out with the girls (the ADULT girls), like a real grown up and not a dirty schizophrenic hermit.
Yeah, that's right, I'll admit it - I'm sort of a dirty schizophrenic hermit these days. It's the new reality I guess. I shower...sometimes. When I have a reason. Otherwise it just doesn't rise far enough up the priority list. Other "necessities" I don't have/find/make time to do anymore:
-anything with my hair beyond a messy pony tail
-cleaning my glasses till they are completely opaque
-cleaning the house
-going to the bathroom
-eating anything requiring more prep than Girl Scout Cookies and Goldfish Crackers
-leaving the house unless absolutely necessary
...and so much more. Priority #1 is keeping the kid alive & content (the latter is a pretty distant 2nd, and only done if possible). After that it's sleeping, AKA keeping myself alive. Luckily you can totally live on cookies & crackers, and if you are breastfeeding/pumping you can even lose 30+ lbs that way. Who knew?
(jewelry? clearly this was a planned photo op. My usual accessories are burp rags. They're cute and multi-colored, but not exactly red-carpet).
The "dirty" part is also furthered by my vomit volcano of a baby who keeps me covered in partially digested breastmilk most days. Mmmm, nutritious. We're generally both damp and sticky, it's become our natural state of being. This is admittedly gross, and should probably elevate the quest for a shower a little higher up the priority list, but why take the time to hose it all off when you'll just add another coat moments later? Better to use that time for a nap, or a sandwich, or more likely it just gets used up between holding and changing and pumping and feeding and otherwise surviving day by day. It's the same attitude I've always had towards shaving my legs. Shaving is annoying and cumbersome and a lot of times I just don't do it if my legs won't be showing. Especially from, say, November - April. I don't particularly like having fur or looking like a yeti, and it's not some feminist statement, but seriously, who likes to shave? And I figure it's only gross if someone sees it. Since we don't leave the house much, nobody does :)
She's awake now by the way. And just spit milk out her nose.
Being a hermit is also a matter of choice/priorities, and one of my best coping mechanisms. And I really don't mind it much at all. I've heard a lot of stories of moms dying to get out of the house with their little ones...it all seems like way too much work for me. When we leave, there's the juggling of schedule for eating and pumping. There's the luggage - diaper bag, baby carrier, bottles, stroller... My pump if we could be gone longer than 4 hours and all the parts I need with it. Extra clothes for her AND me, since she likes to "share" her food after the first time down her gullet... Trips out of the house really do seem to sack her out (LOVE that carseat), but they also sack ME out, so the benefit is negated a bit. It's so much easier to exist within the walls of my house. I like my house. I have cable, DVDs, radio, and now FINALLY fast Internet. I have her magic swing and laundry available without hauling it around. I've never really been an "outside girl" anyways :)
And as for schizophrenic...happens to the best of us. I engage in conversation with the baby, of course. Most people can understand that. I also engage in conversation with the swing, the lamps, the radio... I swear the rhythmic sound of my pump is a secret language and I hear mechanical words when it's running. I forget things, mostly due to the sleep deprivation, and can rarely tell you what day it is because they're all somewhat the same. When the house is actually quiet and I try to run to the bathroom, or even when someone is watching her and I take a shower, I always think I hear her crying even when she's not. Voices in my head I guess :)
It took me another day to finish this post, because it takes me twice (or 10 times) as long to finish anything these days. In between, I went out with my friends. It went way too fast, and I had to ditch out early to race home and pump, but I made it. And honestly, I didn't even have time to sit and worry about The Cupcake, it all went by to fast. I splurged on two cherry cokes (which I coveted way more than alcohol after almost a year), caught up with some great friends, sat down to eat a meal with both hands at a table, and was completely distracted oogling the sparkly drag queens on stage. I still appreciate sparkles, and I even managed to wear some of my own. I even showered. Maybe I'll only be a part time dirty schizophrenic hermit.
Reality? Huh? I think our paths diverged somewhere and you are nowhere in sight.
If I were a good little mommyblogger I would have shared a million funny stories with you by now, we would have bonded over the trauma and truth of birth (and afterbirth), or at the least bored you with endless photos of my child doing cute things. Like this one:
(Olivia Wagner Photography)
But I haven't made it there yet.
It's 4:30am and she's fast asleep (miracle).
But I'm not (d'oh).
(so peaceful when she is sleeping)
I woke up with a rock hard chest. Like an elephant was sitting on me, or I was buried under rocks. I tried to ignore it, flip over, burrow back in - to no avail. So I'm pumping and praying that she's still asleep when I finish, and that we both get a few more hours of rest. Especially since today is my first adventure out with the girls (the ADULT girls), like a real grown up and not a dirty schizophrenic hermit.
Yeah, that's right, I'll admit it - I'm sort of a dirty schizophrenic hermit these days. It's the new reality I guess. I shower...sometimes. When I have a reason. Otherwise it just doesn't rise far enough up the priority list. Other "necessities" I don't have/find/make time to do anymore:
-anything with my hair beyond a messy pony tail
-cleaning my glasses till they are completely opaque
-cleaning the house
-going to the bathroom
-eating anything requiring more prep than Girl Scout Cookies and Goldfish Crackers
-leaving the house unless absolutely necessary
...and so much more. Priority #1 is keeping the kid alive & content (the latter is a pretty distant 2nd, and only done if possible). After that it's sleeping, AKA keeping myself alive. Luckily you can totally live on cookies & crackers, and if you are breastfeeding/pumping you can even lose 30+ lbs that way. Who knew?
(jewelry? clearly this was a planned photo op. My usual accessories are burp rags. They're cute and multi-colored, but not exactly red-carpet).
The "dirty" part is also furthered by my vomit volcano of a baby who keeps me covered in partially digested breastmilk most days. Mmmm, nutritious. We're generally both damp and sticky, it's become our natural state of being. This is admittedly gross, and should probably elevate the quest for a shower a little higher up the priority list, but why take the time to hose it all off when you'll just add another coat moments later? Better to use that time for a nap, or a sandwich, or more likely it just gets used up between holding and changing and pumping and feeding and otherwise surviving day by day. It's the same attitude I've always had towards shaving my legs. Shaving is annoying and cumbersome and a lot of times I just don't do it if my legs won't be showing. Especially from, say, November - April. I don't particularly like having fur or looking like a yeti, and it's not some feminist statement, but seriously, who likes to shave? And I figure it's only gross if someone sees it. Since we don't leave the house much, nobody does :)
She's awake now by the way. And just spit milk out her nose.
Being a hermit is also a matter of choice/priorities, and one of my best coping mechanisms. And I really don't mind it much at all. I've heard a lot of stories of moms dying to get out of the house with their little ones...it all seems like way too much work for me. When we leave, there's the juggling of schedule for eating and pumping. There's the luggage - diaper bag, baby carrier, bottles, stroller... My pump if we could be gone longer than 4 hours and all the parts I need with it. Extra clothes for her AND me, since she likes to "share" her food after the first time down her gullet... Trips out of the house really do seem to sack her out (LOVE that carseat), but they also sack ME out, so the benefit is negated a bit. It's so much easier to exist within the walls of my house. I like my house. I have cable, DVDs, radio, and now FINALLY fast Internet. I have her magic swing and laundry available without hauling it around. I've never really been an "outside girl" anyways :)
And as for schizophrenic...happens to the best of us. I engage in conversation with the baby, of course. Most people can understand that. I also engage in conversation with the swing, the lamps, the radio... I swear the rhythmic sound of my pump is a secret language and I hear mechanical words when it's running. I forget things, mostly due to the sleep deprivation, and can rarely tell you what day it is because they're all somewhat the same. When the house is actually quiet and I try to run to the bathroom, or even when someone is watching her and I take a shower, I always think I hear her crying even when she's not. Voices in my head I guess :)
It took me another day to finish this post, because it takes me twice (or 10 times) as long to finish anything these days. In between, I went out with my friends. It went way too fast, and I had to ditch out early to race home and pump, but I made it. And honestly, I didn't even have time to sit and worry about The Cupcake, it all went by to fast. I splurged on two cherry cokes (which I coveted way more than alcohol after almost a year), caught up with some great friends, sat down to eat a meal with both hands at a table, and was completely distracted oogling the sparkly drag queens on stage. I still appreciate sparkles, and I even managed to wear some of my own. I even showered. Maybe I'll only be a part time dirty schizophrenic hermit.
Friday, December 03, 2010
34 1/2 weeks
We're going to have a baby.
If the hourly acid reflux wake up calls, nickel sized bladder, and pronounced waddle in my gait weren't enough to give it away, I got the official news at my doctor appointment this week that "if your labor were to start now, we wouldn't do much to stop it."
Whoa.
Though I am feeling less and less EMOTIONALLY prepared for this every day (I'm having dreams about living in the dorms again, easy & carefree...or my childhood bedroom...think that's related?), at least we are reasonably close to being prepared in a physical sense. The kid has a wardrobe that dwarfs mine and her fathers (at least for the first 6 months). She has a bright cheerful room that is actually mostly clean. And she even has a place to sleep - did I show you this GIANT gift at the baby shower? :
It was sort of the "grand finale" of the gift opening...
What could it be?
It's a mattress! And a crib! Thank you Mom & Dad (soon to be first time Grandma & Grandpa :)
They even delivered it to our house and helped the hubby and I put it together last weekend:
Norm "helped" too:
And without too much trouble, we got it done:
Shortly after, we arranged all the furniture, cleared off the dresser/changing table, and hung all of the tiny little clothes on baby hangers. It actually looks pretty good - at least it's clean :) Next steps (hopefully this weekend) are to put up this mermaid decal on the wall (ordered from Etsy - not sure exactly why they staged the photo with a bride & groom kissing behind it?!?!):
Then I need to get moving on curtains (I had a dream about curtain rods last night too...guess I'm feeling anxious about getting this done!), replace a switch plate cover, and mount our mermaid alphabet cards & a few other prints I've picked up along the years, and possibly add a few little shelves/hooks over the changing table. Oh, and probably pack my hospital bag, since somehow 8 1/2 months have passed me by already...
Cheers to a safe and productive weekend, Cupcake staying in the oven until after the holidays, and planning an epic Target shopping trip to pick up the rest of our essentials. TGIF!
If the hourly acid reflux wake up calls, nickel sized bladder, and pronounced waddle in my gait weren't enough to give it away, I got the official news at my doctor appointment this week that "if your labor were to start now, we wouldn't do much to stop it."
Whoa.
Though I am feeling less and less EMOTIONALLY prepared for this every day (I'm having dreams about living in the dorms again, easy & carefree...or my childhood bedroom...think that's related?), at least we are reasonably close to being prepared in a physical sense. The kid has a wardrobe that dwarfs mine and her fathers (at least for the first 6 months). She has a bright cheerful room that is actually mostly clean. And she even has a place to sleep - did I show you this GIANT gift at the baby shower? :
It was sort of the "grand finale" of the gift opening...
What could it be?
It's a mattress! And a crib! Thank you Mom & Dad (soon to be first time Grandma & Grandpa :)
They even delivered it to our house and helped the hubby and I put it together last weekend:
Norm "helped" too:
And without too much trouble, we got it done:
Shortly after, we arranged all the furniture, cleared off the dresser/changing table, and hung all of the tiny little clothes on baby hangers. It actually looks pretty good - at least it's clean :) Next steps (hopefully this weekend) are to put up this mermaid decal on the wall (ordered from Etsy - not sure exactly why they staged the photo with a bride & groom kissing behind it?!?!):
Then I need to get moving on curtains (I had a dream about curtain rods last night too...guess I'm feeling anxious about getting this done!), replace a switch plate cover, and mount our mermaid alphabet cards & a few other prints I've picked up along the years, and possibly add a few little shelves/hooks over the changing table. Oh, and probably pack my hospital bag, since somehow 8 1/2 months have passed me by already...
Cheers to a safe and productive weekend, Cupcake staying in the oven until after the holidays, and planning an epic Target shopping trip to pick up the rest of our essentials. TGIF!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Sugar & Spice and EVERYTHING Nice!
I don't have to think that hard to find things I'm thankful for this year - especially after the mega outpouring of love that was my baby shower last weekend! What a WONDERFUL day, I couldn't have felt more special. My BFF Alison outdid herself (as she often does). You already saw the impossibly cute invitations she made here, and that was just the tip of the iceberg. There were SO MANY adorable little details, I'll let the pictures do most of the talking:
I entered to bunches of brightly colored balloons floating all about the house:
Looped over the end of the banister are little die-cut cupcakes on ribbon necklaces for the icebreaker game - guess the famous mother! You asked yes or no questions, and when you got someone's "identity" right, you captured their cupcake :) So cute!
More die cut cupcakes made a huge swag banner, and the "guest book" was a gorgeous collection of fairy tales that I can't WAIT to read to our little one! Everyone signed dear messages on the cover page, it is definitely a keepsake.
The mantle was trimmed with custom made cupcake onesies Al ordered from Etsy! Did you know our little Cupcake would be decked out in such couture finery? :) My favorite is the one with the face :)
Pink favor boxes tied with ribbon waited on the table - filled with jellybeans that matched the balloons, and foil wrapped Hershey Kisses.
And then there was the food! I started drooling as soon as I walked in, and I HAD to claim one of these strawberry shortcakes...they were AMAZING! (Also, I loved my dress...that was the one I ordered to wear for Halloween but then changed my mind about my costume, but I'm so glad I got the dress :) It's about the only non-jeans maternity wear I've purchased!)
Mmmm, are you drooling yet? Tiny morsels of deliciousness...
My lil' sis flew in from Utah for the occasion, and even made these pretty cupcakes - YUM!
There were two full tables of desserts, including this "Milk & Cookies Bar" that is too cute for words.
Onesie cookies!
Chocolate, Strawberry, and Vanilla milk - is this not the best menu ever for a pregnant woman?!?!? With my heartburn, dessert is pretty much the only pleasant food group these days, and I'm drinking 1/2 gallon of milk a DAY. Not to mention it looks so very Martha all displayed in the carafes :)
Cake Balls! My cousin Holly has been making Bakerella-style cake pops and cake balls, I can't wait for her to teach me!
And of COURSE, you need some classic cookies - my soon to be sister-in-law (AKA, the OTHER HEATHER) made these little chocolate chip and chocolate mint goodies, perfect for dipping in milk.
I am not a glamorous gift opener, so I'll spare you the whole litany of my strange facial expressions, this is one of the most "normal" looking snapshots :) In the future, I'll have to be a little more conscious and try for much more photogenic posing. But I definitely appreciated EVERYTHING, and it was so fun to see what everyone picked out! We got a few of the essentials, and a LOT of little girl outfigs - the Cupcake definitely has a full and fancy wardrobe now, including this hand-crocheted frock from her Great Grandma (above).
We played a second little game during the gift opening as well - after each gift, Alison asked me a question about my childhood or my husband's, and if my answer matched the information that my mom or his mom had given about our early years, then the gift GIVER won a prize! I'm sorry to say I was oddly TERRIBLE at this game, at least when it came to my own childhood :) But I got some of hubby's questions right, and it was pretty cute to hear the stories!
The "big finish" was pretty literal - this huge present was Cupcake's crib & mattress, from her Grandparents (my mom & dad)! Can't wait to get it assembled in her room, I think it will really make it feel like a nursery.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to Alison & everyone who came to share in this "sweet" occasion :)
I entered to bunches of brightly colored balloons floating all about the house:
Looped over the end of the banister are little die-cut cupcakes on ribbon necklaces for the icebreaker game - guess the famous mother! You asked yes or no questions, and when you got someone's "identity" right, you captured their cupcake :) So cute!
More die cut cupcakes made a huge swag banner, and the "guest book" was a gorgeous collection of fairy tales that I can't WAIT to read to our little one! Everyone signed dear messages on the cover page, it is definitely a keepsake.
The mantle was trimmed with custom made cupcake onesies Al ordered from Etsy! Did you know our little Cupcake would be decked out in such couture finery? :) My favorite is the one with the face :)
Pink favor boxes tied with ribbon waited on the table - filled with jellybeans that matched the balloons, and foil wrapped Hershey Kisses.
And then there was the food! I started drooling as soon as I walked in, and I HAD to claim one of these strawberry shortcakes...they were AMAZING! (Also, I loved my dress...that was the one I ordered to wear for Halloween but then changed my mind about my costume, but I'm so glad I got the dress :) It's about the only non-jeans maternity wear I've purchased!)
Mmmm, are you drooling yet? Tiny morsels of deliciousness...
My lil' sis flew in from Utah for the occasion, and even made these pretty cupcakes - YUM!
There were two full tables of desserts, including this "Milk & Cookies Bar" that is too cute for words.
Onesie cookies!
Chocolate, Strawberry, and Vanilla milk - is this not the best menu ever for a pregnant woman?!?!? With my heartburn, dessert is pretty much the only pleasant food group these days, and I'm drinking 1/2 gallon of milk a DAY. Not to mention it looks so very Martha all displayed in the carafes :)
Cake Balls! My cousin Holly has been making Bakerella-style cake pops and cake balls, I can't wait for her to teach me!
And of COURSE, you need some classic cookies - my soon to be sister-in-law (AKA, the OTHER HEATHER) made these little chocolate chip and chocolate mint goodies, perfect for dipping in milk.
I am not a glamorous gift opener, so I'll spare you the whole litany of my strange facial expressions, this is one of the most "normal" looking snapshots :) In the future, I'll have to be a little more conscious and try for much more photogenic posing. But I definitely appreciated EVERYTHING, and it was so fun to see what everyone picked out! We got a few of the essentials, and a LOT of little girl outfigs - the Cupcake definitely has a full and fancy wardrobe now, including this hand-crocheted frock from her Great Grandma (above).
We played a second little game during the gift opening as well - after each gift, Alison asked me a question about my childhood or my husband's, and if my answer matched the information that my mom or his mom had given about our early years, then the gift GIVER won a prize! I'm sorry to say I was oddly TERRIBLE at this game, at least when it came to my own childhood :) But I got some of hubby's questions right, and it was pretty cute to hear the stories!
The "big finish" was pretty literal - this huge present was Cupcake's crib & mattress, from her Grandparents (my mom & dad)! Can't wait to get it assembled in her room, I think it will really make it feel like a nursery.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to Alison & everyone who came to share in this "sweet" occasion :)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
You Spin Me Right Round Baby Right Round...
I seem to be spinning in a few circles right now with all the different directions I'm trying to go, and I can't be sure I'm actually moving anywhere...but regardless, time keeps marching on! Today marks just SEVEN WEEKS till the Cupcake's due date!?!?! I can't quite believe it. So here's what's going on:
- still planning on finishing up the Halloween party recaps & tutorials, it hasn't quite been a month since the party so I don't feel too bad...yet :)
- had an EPIC and AMAZING baby shower this past weekend, thrown by my dear sweet BFF Alison, and I can't wait to share all of her adorable little touches, as well as show off Cupcake's giant new wardrobe.
- now I probably should get a move on with all the "other stuff" we need to start buying up, mainly the super glamorous stuff like "rectal thermometers" and "diaper bags", and lots of sheets and mattress pads.
- finally took down all of the voodoo decorations from the nursery, so I can get back to the mermaids & pirates theme we had intended :) I have a few ideas in mind, and a lot of Etsy listings bookmarked, so hopefully this weekend will bring a lot of progress.
- decided that I had to put up at least a few holiday decorations this year, and started to assemble the medium sized Christmas tree. Remember when I bought all of these "sweets" ornaments last year? I'm dying to break them out...but I can't seem to FIND them! I spent a few hours going through the Xmas boxes last week, but I did such a "tetris"-like job fitting everything in, I was scared to take it all apart and really look for what I needed. Maybe I'll have some time this weekend to track them down.
- I have yet to address the blue screen of death on my laptop. Probably should get on that. I really miss it already :( I think I'm in the avoidance stage of grieving...
- and according to "the books," I'm supposed to have my hospital bag packed and my birth plan printed out by this time...so...uh...yeah, maybe I'll start thinking about that sometime...STAY, Cupcake, STAY PUT! At least until I can catch up at little! Though I can understand if you are in a hurry to see all your cute things, such as this little romper which might be my favorite:
Happy Thanksgiving, happy long holiday weekend, and happy short work week to you all!
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Cupcakes with "The Cupcake"
Today marks 31 weeks in the oven for my little Cupcake! Whoa, where has time gone? I'm a little scared to acknowledge that I'm feeling pretty good (knock on wood), and definitely still better than during my elongated 1st trimester. I'm only up about 10 lbs over my "normal" weight, which is baffling, since my belly is all I see when I look in the mirror. I've acquired a new unpleasant symptom - morning leg cramps - which actually drove me to the doctor today for a quick unplanned check up (not a blood clot, it was just such a bad cramp that I'm still limping 4 days later). The heartburn is taking a toll, I don't have much energy... but guess what is right around the corner? My BFF is throwing us a shower!
(edited for privacy - sorry, stalkers)
She made each invitation a little different, and in a rainbow of colors, this is mine. She even mailed it to me like a "real" guest. I love getting mail. And aren't they ADORABLE?!?!? Martha would totally approve. Onesies and baby t-shirts + cupcakes = complete cute overload. The shower will be a dessert buffet (hooray! and yay again for passing the glucose test!)...and that's all I know! She's keeping me totally in the dark. Last time I asked her a question about it, she said I was officially cut off, and had to show up and be surprised :)
I am so excited to be a guest at a party! I even have a cute dress to wear, and lil' sis is coming into town, so it should be an exciting weekend. I'm definitely looking forward to it. Al, you are the greatest.
(edited for privacy - sorry, stalkers)She made each invitation a little different, and in a rainbow of colors, this is mine. She even mailed it to me like a "real" guest. I love getting mail. And aren't they ADORABLE?!?!? Martha would totally approve. Onesies and baby t-shirts + cupcakes = complete cute overload. The shower will be a dessert buffet (hooray! and yay again for passing the glucose test!)...and that's all I know! She's keeping me totally in the dark. Last time I asked her a question about it, she said I was officially cut off, and had to show up and be surprised :)
I am so excited to be a guest at a party! I even have a cute dress to wear, and lil' sis is coming into town, so it should be an exciting weekend. I'm definitely looking forward to it. Al, you are the greatest.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Got my flash on, it's true, need that picture of you...
For clarity, the child shall henceforth be known on this blog as "The Cupcake." There is no grand reason, but it solves this dilemma.
Now, speaking of The Cupcake:
Since I had some sort of iffy "low placenta", she got another photo shoot yesterday morning, and here are a few of the highlights:
1. she's still a girl
2. she sucks her toes (maybe my circus school experience did something to my genes? Because clearly I was not that flexible)
3. the offending placenta moved sufficiently out of the danger zone, and....
4. the kid officially has HAIR. Hair that is perceptible on the ultrasound. Measurable hair. It's only 1/2 cm so far, but I suppose since the whole cupcake is only about 2 1/2 lbs, it's still proportional. And the heartburn hasn't been in vain :)
Only 82 days left in the oven, give or take! See you soon, kid!
Now, speaking of The Cupcake:
Since I had some sort of iffy "low placenta", she got another photo shoot yesterday morning, and here are a few of the highlights:
1. she's still a girl
2. she sucks her toes (maybe my circus school experience did something to my genes? Because clearly I was not that flexible)
3. the offending placenta moved sufficiently out of the danger zone, and....
4. the kid officially has HAIR. Hair that is perceptible on the ultrasound. Measurable hair. It's only 1/2 cm so far, but I suppose since the whole cupcake is only about 2 1/2 lbs, it's still proportional. And the heartburn hasn't been in vain :)
Only 82 days left in the oven, give or take! See you soon, kid!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
My baby can beat up your baby...
We've been lucky to receive a lovely assortment of cards and messages since announcing our big news, and a week ago came our first baby gift:
MOST AWESOME BABY GIFT EVER!!! Yep, those are temporary tattoos for your infant. My infant. My living breathing dress up doll, at least until she can start ripping off pieces and complaining about it. I can't wait to lovingly apply these images to pudgy baby arms:
I think the pacifier with the spikes might be my favorite, I love the juxtaposition of the cuddly baby items with the hard core twists of thorns, metal, and barbed wire. Perfect for the natural faux hawk stage all babies seem to go through. Now where do I get baby roller derby outfits?
Thanks, Amy! Love them!
MOST AWESOME BABY GIFT EVER!!! Yep, those are temporary tattoos for your infant. My infant. My living breathing dress up doll, at least until she can start ripping off pieces and complaining about it. I can't wait to lovingly apply these images to pudgy baby arms:
I think the pacifier with the spikes might be my favorite, I love the juxtaposition of the cuddly baby items with the hard core twists of thorns, metal, and barbed wire. Perfect for the natural faux hawk stage all babies seem to go through. Now where do I get baby roller derby outfits?
Thanks, Amy! Love them!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The bets have been placed, and the winner is....
For the first few minutes I was terrified that you "uncooperative" voters would be right. When we arrived for our 8am ultrasound, the little booger was fast asleep, and showed no signs of revving it up to flash the goods. So the tech started with the measurements and other official stuff (that was supposedly the "real" reason we were there - and all of that is good!) and after a lot of poking and prodding, the child became pretty ticked off. Here it is flipping us off (seriously!):
And after a few nice profile shots, here's the babe sticking out their tongue (not sure I see it, but the tech pointed it out so it must be true):
I'd say that she takes after my husband so far.
Catch that? Yup, I said SHE! Ha ha suckers, the vast majority of you (okay, and me) were dead wrong! She eventually got annoyed enough with the pushing of the US wand to move into a good position, and before the tech even announced it I saw the tell tale lines (thank you Internet, for teaching me what to look for) and blurted out "GIRL!?!" I have to admit I wasn't expecting it, even if I was hoping a little. The hubby would like me to include that he was right all along. Regardless, we're thrilled, relieved that all the key parts are accounted for, and looking forward to meeting our little spitfire.
And after a few nice profile shots, here's the babe sticking out their tongue (not sure I see it, but the tech pointed it out so it must be true):
I'd say that she takes after my husband so far.
Catch that? Yup, I said SHE! Ha ha suckers, the vast majority of you (okay, and me) were dead wrong! She eventually got annoyed enough with the pushing of the US wand to move into a good position, and before the tech even announced it I saw the tell tale lines (thank you Internet, for teaching me what to look for) and blurted out "GIRL!?!" I have to admit I wasn't expecting it, even if I was hoping a little. The hubby would like me to include that he was right all along. Regardless, we're thrilled, relieved that all the key parts are accounted for, and looking forward to meeting our little spitfire.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Nursery
I am off oogling my baby's junk this morning (in addition to having some sort of important measurements and developmental testing, but we all know finding out the sex of your zygote is the real fun - if not an acceptible reason for the insurance company to cover an ultrasound), and since so many of you jerks are voting it will be uncooperative in this endeavor, I think I'll just keep it a secret for a while. Ha, take that Internet. Or the 3 of you who might care a little...
In the meantime, here's a super fun and partially related project I've got in the works:
When we stumbled upon the open house, here's how the room that would eventually become the nursery was staged:
The wallpaper was a cream/yellow with a small floral print:
And the valances matched:
We set it up as a guest bedroom, but since most of our guests actually stay in the basement (pull out couch, big screen TV, separate bathroom) it didn't get much use other than storage and we never bothered with updating (or taking photos of) it until now. A couple weeks ago I cleared out most of the closet, de-cluttered the non-baby friendly crap, and shoved all the remaining furniture to the center of the room in anticipation of tearing down the wallpaper and repainting for the little one. I have actually never painted a place in which I'd lived, and aside from a short experiement helping a friend, I've never painted a wall at all. I definitely haven't torn down wallpaper, and was pretty much expecting the worst - layers of painted over wallpaper, or plaster walls crumbling without the wallpaper holding them together like fondant...who knew what was lurking under the cheery tiny tulips?
I had planned to use these kind of kits that I had watched on QVC or the DIY network or something and was won over by, but I was waiting for the $$$ to invest in them. In preparation I had taken all of the switchplates off, and around the lightswitch there was some "extra" hanging paper.
I gave it a little tug.
The whole sheet came down!
In a matter of an hour, I had done this:
With no tools, no water, and just a little tugging, it all pulled down in long strips:
And the walls underneath were not falling down! In fact, they seemed to be in pretty good shape! They're an ugly powder pink that we will still be repainting, but I breathed a big sigh of relief:
This was all the same weekend I had my little nesting fit, so I felt quite accomplished. I've just got to fill a few nail holes, decide on a paint color, and we're ready to roll!
In the meantime, here's a super fun and partially related project I've got in the works:
When we stumbled upon the open house, here's how the room that would eventually become the nursery was staged:
The wallpaper was a cream/yellow with a small floral print:
And the valances matched:
We set it up as a guest bedroom, but since most of our guests actually stay in the basement (pull out couch, big screen TV, separate bathroom) it didn't get much use other than storage and we never bothered with updating (or taking photos of) it until now. A couple weeks ago I cleared out most of the closet, de-cluttered the non-baby friendly crap, and shoved all the remaining furniture to the center of the room in anticipation of tearing down the wallpaper and repainting for the little one. I have actually never painted a place in which I'd lived, and aside from a short experiement helping a friend, I've never painted a wall at all. I definitely haven't torn down wallpaper, and was pretty much expecting the worst - layers of painted over wallpaper, or plaster walls crumbling without the wallpaper holding them together like fondant...who knew what was lurking under the cheery tiny tulips?
I had planned to use these kind of kits that I had watched on QVC or the DIY network or something and was won over by, but I was waiting for the $$$ to invest in them. In preparation I had taken all of the switchplates off, and around the lightswitch there was some "extra" hanging paper.
I gave it a little tug.
The whole sheet came down!
In a matter of an hour, I had done this:
With no tools, no water, and just a little tugging, it all pulled down in long strips:
And the walls underneath were not falling down! In fact, they seemed to be in pretty good shape! They're an ugly powder pink that we will still be repainting, but I breathed a big sigh of relief:
This was all the same weekend I had my little nesting fit, so I felt quite accomplished. I've just got to fill a few nail holes, decide on a paint color, and we're ready to roll!
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