My Baby Hates Karaoke

...is how I will sum up the fact I spent Saturday night/Sunday morning in the ER fairly certain that I was dying. You don't need to know the details, but the end result was a surprise 2am ultrasound. Pregnant women love us some ultra sounds, and I'd been pouting for a while that we didn't get to see the little sack-o-love for another month and then some - so while the ER in the middle of the night wasn't an ideal time, it was definitely a nice little perk and a good ending to a crazy escapade. It might just have been the lack of sleep, or the hormones, but looking back the whole thing is really hilarious (knowing now that we are both okay). Case in point:

Dr: "We won't be able to tell you gender or anything, I just took this out of the trauma room, it's pretty old and we usually just use it to look at gunshot victims and stuff. But we'll be able to see if it's a baby."

(Uh, good? If???)

Dr: "Here's your baby! It has a head, and that's the heartbeat, and legs, and it has arms somewhere in there. Probably."

(probably?!?!?)




For some reason when I see this picture, I think of a chicken, or a Thanksgiving Turkey. But I swear on the screen it actually looked like a baby. They kept the "good photo" for my file. Jerks.

And the true sign I had lost all sanity:

Dr: "You can see the skull, and the teeth -"
Me: "TEETH? WHY DOES IT HAVE TEETH? I DIDN'T KNOW THEY CAME WITH TEETH!"
Dr: "Uh, they're not out yet. They're in the gums. You can just see them here."
Me: "Oh. Okay. Whew."

I knew I should have never read those damn Twilight books. Thanks, "book club" for introducing me to the idea of sparkly vampire babies chewing their way out. At 2am it didn't seem nearly so far fetched...

And now I'm going back to sleep. I mean work...

More Martha Inspiration - On My Halloween List...

I love me some Martha. Mock her as you will, she turned crafting and dinner parties into a worldwide empire, and now has a whole staff of lucky dogs that get to sit and craft all day. I'd kiss her ankle monitor for that gig any day. And man, do they do some AMAZING Halloween things...

Particularly of interest to my "Romp in the Swamp" New Orleans theme party:



So many creepy creatures hang out in the swamp, these ribbon snakes would fit right in. Slightly on the adorable side, maybe, but I'm smitten.










I know you can buy bleeding candles, but here's a quick improvisation - perfect for a voodoo shop, am I right? I'm actually planning to re-purpose a bunch of old ugly tapers I found while clearing out for the big yard sale, so this might really work for me.







Rotten eggs and centipedes could be useful in a little black magic too, any good priestess would carry them in her shop...










...as well as proof of her powers, like these shrunken heads! I really hope these work out for me (I'm not usually allowed to do crafts involving "carving," so don't tell my dad...)







And of course all of the hard to find curse ingredients need to be preserved and available for any patron in need, I love that these specimen jar candles also provide the first good use for cauliflower I've ever found. I also saved a bunch of random vases and glass items leftover from the yard sale to serve this function. More specimen ideas here.

NOLA Costume Ideas: Vampire Hunters (Female)

WHAAT? TWO posts in a row? Might Heather be regaining control over her so-called creative life and actually accomplishing things again? Only if you count throwing up in various rainbow colors as an art project(tropical popsicles apparently contain a LOT of dye. Especially the blue ones. Also, Oreo ice cream sandwiches make everything look like the mean gray sky in a Harry Potter movie. In case you were wondering...)

Also, to quelle the fear on everyone's mind: yes, because I am irresponsible and have my priorities all askew, I am still hosting the annual Halloween Festival of Awesomeness. I assume a few things will change, and I'll probably make you all bring liquor (and maybe diapers), but the show will go on. Feel better? Good. Now get moving on those costumes!

So my original Halloween plan was to put together an ass-kicking vampire hunter costume, but since nobody wants to see a very pregnant woman fighting the undead (well, at least not in fishnets and spike heels) that plan has since been abandoned. Also, there is no chance of me squeezing into the leather pants and corset I had purchased in preparation (justified by planning to wear to both the Goth theme party AND Halloween...and maybe the GaGa concert), and somehow I can't justify buying another set in maternity sizing (though it is possibly, according to a quick google search of "leather maternity pants. Who knew?) But my loss is your gain, because now I give you all my blessing to come up with fabulous costumes for an army of angry vampire hunters, such as these great folks:

Let's start out setting the bar high, with some amazing self-styled slayers, like this steampunk version:


source

I went to high school with this girl, who rocks out amazing costumes for all occasions. No, seriously, she once ran a marathon dressed in a 1980's thong leotard over a full lycra body suit, ala Olivia Newton John. It was epic. And probably chaffed. If you're going to bare your midriff, it clearly doesn't hurt to have abs like hers either:



Vinyl isn't all that comfortable to wear, and can be quite noisy, so I don't know you'd be able to surprise any vampires in this outfit, but you'd definitely make a few jaws drop:

Source

If you're not feeling quite so crafty, here's an "off the rack" version that's not too bad:
Spirit Halloween


There's always the "classic", Buffy. Here's what the official poster looked like for the original movie (let's not talk about the sadness that is the impending re-make):



If I were going the Buffy route, I'd probably go all camp - 80's cheerleader costume with lots of sharpened stakes. The Sarah Michelle Gellar Buffy was a little more serious, but still probably not that "recognizable" unless maybe you did a Sunnydale specific cheerleader costume? I'd just find a cheer outfit at Ragstock and iron on "sunnydale" letters, but if you want to be accurate, here's the best photo I could find on google:




Don't forget the gear:

(source)

There is a lot of room to customize your own vampire hunter costume:

- mix and match black, slightly sexy tops/pants/shorts/skirts/fishnets...take inspiration from goth, biker, roller derby, steam punk, dominatrix - whatever alter ego you'd like to "try on" for an evening.

- Then accessorize with all the vital "equipment" a hunter needs: stakes, crosses, holy water vials, garlic, silver bullets, swords, daggers...

- maybe carry your bronzed fangs as trophies and sport a few "battle scars" like bite marks and blood trails.

- Holsters, sheaths, and tool belts can carry all of your accessories.

- Don't forget some intimidating boots or deadly stilettos.

Overall this costume comes down to having a bad-ass-attitude. Your outfit doesn't have to be practical...just impressive :)

Happy hunting...

Mermaid Parade 2010

Oh Hello Internets, how have you been? I've been quite busy...avoiding you! But now that the proverbial cat is out of the bag, I can finally post some photos of our NYC adventure without raising quite so many eyebrows (is she supposed to be a mermaid or a WHALE?), and PERHAPS, if the nausea and exhaustion ever do subside, get back to a little crafting...

But first things first, NYC! While it was far from the most opportune time to travel, it was EXCELLENT to catch up with my BFFs again, share some laughs and some really great meals, and of course make some costumes. My original plan to make a fancy gown fell by the wayside due to budget cuts and a time crunch, and good thing since I ended up busting out of all my clothing the week before the trip. This, however, also meant I couldn't wear either the sundress or last year's costume as an alternative, quite the conundrum. In a fit of self pity as I wandered the aisles of our new Jo-Ann's store, a gorgeous embroidered Sari fabric caught my eye...and it was on sale! I scooped up 4 yards for about $20, and Burda pattern 8327 for an asymmetrical trumpet skirt (also 40% off):



I threw that all in my suitcase and presented it to Ryan, who turned it into a GORGEOUS skirt in about two hours:



Seriously, is that fabric not to die for? It's called "pistachio" and has gorgeous gold threads, I <3 it fully. And Ryan, the perfectionist, serged, pressed and sewed each seam so that I could actually wear this to a wedding or dinner with the queen, not just to a costume parade. I finished the look with two giant sequin appliques from the garment district that I basted on to a nude lace tank top (I sewed that part myself!) The combination of giant dinners + incubating the tadpole did threaten to bust the zipper by the end of the week, so please be kind...but the final product:



Wee haa! I wasn't quite brave enough to go bare under the lace tank, so I layered it on top of a nude tank top, borrowed the fabulous wig from Ryan's shop, and recycled the crown from The Queen of Hearts costume, which was PERFECT.



This skirt was MUCH easier to walk in than some of my previous mermaid attempts (especially a worry when dealing with subways, stairs, and crazed pedestrians), and I think it still definitely gave off the "mermaid" vibe without being completely literal (aka - hard to move in). The wig, eyelashes, and crown were a perfect balance of whimsy and glamour, I had a really fun time getting dressed up. How cute did we look?

Starburst FaveREDS

BEST CANDY EVER. How do I love thee? So many ways! I'm partial to red and pink candy, and often leave the sad little yellow and green Starbursts, Sour Patch Kids, and Gummy Bears abandoned in the bottom of the bag. So how cool is it to have JUST THE RED & PINKS?!?!? Back at Easter they started marketing Starburst JellyBeans in just packs of the various red colors, but this is truly phenomenal. Way to go Starburst, you made my day. And I just ate a whole pack as I was typing this.

Cha-Ching! Yard Sale Update

The yardsale went VERY WELL! I am shocked to write this, as generally my yard sale experience is TOO MUCH WORK and in the end NOT WORTH THE CRAZIES, but despite a very wet Saturday, I'm over the moon about this sale. Most of it is thanks to my SuperMom, the original craftastic creator, who talked to the nut jobs, hung up clothes, and sat in the rain for hours as people just kept coming.

We were definitely helped by the city-wide sales supposedly taking place a few blocks north, so I'll have to remember this timing in case I ever get enough junk to purge again - though for a while, at least, I'm happy to be done. Sunday was gorgeous and dry, so despite my aching knees and back, I was moved to haul everything back on the lawn and slash all prices in half - there were some ridiculously good deals and it showed - people kept coming even as we were packing up the remainders for Goodwill. Now hubby and I don't have to panhandle on our trip to New York! :) YAY!

"HUGE MULTI-FAMILY SALE"

I've been buried, both literally and figuratively, in my yard sale preparations, which at least partially explains my blogging absence - I've been busy sorting/pricing/stacking up junk, and I just haven't had time to tackle any creative projects. I do hope this purge will set me up for a much more crafty summer - both in space as well as (hopefully) a little more funding :) Now if only the rain will hold off!

I find sales to be a double-edged sword - they're a TON of work, with no guarantee of making ANYTHING, and there's always that uber-awkward group of "shoppers" who want to interrogate you about your life, talk you down in price, and otherwise just be a huge pain in the @$$. Despite my firm attention to etiquette, I'm not all that friendly with strangers and don't feel I need to be doling out personal information to be pleasant. Small talk is annoying and uncomfortable.

My yard sale philosophy is this: I priced it at what I want for it. If I wanted less, I'd have priced it less. I'm not forcing you to buy anything, if you don't think it's worth it - move along. I price everything (what I feel is) extremely cheaply, and honestly the tax deduction I'll get dropping it all off at the Goodwill is probably worth a lot more than the quarters you're offering anyways. I pretty much always say no when someone asks if I'll take less on an item.

But on the other side, cash is always important, so if it does work out and you make some money while getting rid of clutter, in what is essentially your free time, then that's pretty valuable, even if your "hourly rate" didn't live up to your expectations. And if you look at the day as an anthropological survey of your culture (or like a visit to peopleofwalmart.com) it can be kinda amusing.

A few sale tips I learned from years of our 8-family neighborhood sales:

-don't price anything under a quarter. If it's not worth a quarter, it's not worth your time - throw it in a free bag, or get rid of it off the bat. Alternatively, group a bunch of similar stuff together in a bag or box to make it a worthwhile lot. This also serves to cut down the amount/kinds of change you need - just quarters and bills.

-write a little note on the tag of what the item is. This is because of those few little douchebags who actually stoop to switching or removing price tags at garage sales - as if they don't think you remember the hours you spent tagging everything. And yes, I've had it happen. And it's never the really poor people.

-have someone sit with you, preferably someone you can stand to talk to for a whole day. This significantly reduces the awkwardness of staring at your customers as they rifle through your old crap, as well as passes the time more quickly. Potty breaks are also a plus.

-for multi-family sales, assign everyone a different color sharpie to write their tags. when people make purchases, remove the tags and stick them on a page for each color/contributor - at the end, you have an easy record of how much everyone is owed, and you can easily see the items that sold.

-hang clothes when you can. They're easier to look through and people are more likely to spend time actually perusing them than if they had to unfold and dig through piles. It might just be a "Minnesota Nice" thing, but people don't always like to make a huge mess of your carefully folded piles, nor do they really want to re-fold everything they look at - thus, they just skip it - no sale. :(

-candles melt in the sun. If you're in a garage this isn't as big of a deal, but since my sale will be out in the sunny front yard, it's something to remember. Also, the sun MOVES! Tricky devil :) At some point, you'll probably have to move the candles and possibly other plastic items/stickers/etc...Or peel them off the grass/table/other items.

That is all the wisdom I can muster - hopefully I shall emerge rich and relieved after this weekend, ready to kick off some Halloween projects (and blog about them) - GASP - since there are only 150 days left now! EEK!