Friday, April 22, 2011

Pardon me, do you have the time?

Part time, that is.

Two posts in a row. Well, in a week anyways.

Hello again, blogosphere. I'm back.

You've missed out on so much this year, but I'm finally catching up to 2011, and one of the reasons I'm starting to get my sea legs is that I made a large and life changing decision: I'm working part time! It is glorious and I am thrilled.

You'll remember I was pretty bummed out about my maternity leave coming to an end. Part of it was that I didn't want to leave The Cupcake, but truth be told the main reason was I just could not imagine how I would add 40 hours a week of work and a few more of commuting on top of my already exhausted list of burdens and not somehow short circuit. It didn't help that I had marked the WRONG DATE on my calendar and realized somewhere around then that I actually had to return to work a full week earlier than I had expected (sleep deprivation messes with your math skills apparently). I was devastated.

But what could I do? If I hadn't returned to work my benefits could have been retroactively ended on the last day I attended work - meaning I'd owe some big $$ for the small paid part of my leave, the sick time that was paid out, and all of the insurance coverage over those three months. That was simply not an option. Luckily we had the BEST POSSIBLE childcare arrangement, GrammyCupcake (my mother) would come and tend to the kid right here in her own home, where she would receive more attention and love and kisses than even I could bestow on her in a day. She'd carpool with GrandaddyCupcake who happens to work close to my home, and that way I'd know she'd be on time and everything :)

So when my last days of leave were crossed off the calendar I dried my eyes, bought a couple pairs of new pants (yay for breastfeeding weight loss), and jumped back in to showering and getting dressed in the mornings. Whoa.

Actually, the mornings went pretty well, we had already been waking around 6am for pumping/feeding time, and TC had just started being able to entertain herself long enough for me to go to the bathroom or brush my teeth without her screaming bloody murder. She even enjoyed chillin' in her Boppy in the bathroom while I showered, she just loves herself some warm steamy time.

So GrammyCupcake came and loved up the little one. And I headed back to see what had happened in my 12 weeks off. I expected a giant pile of work to catch up on.

And that lasted about 12 minutes. And then I was bored again.

This is a problem that some people just can't related to. I know, I know, I should be happy to have a great non-taxing job, lots of people would love to be paid for being bored all day.

I'm not one of them.

I try. But it's not very compatible with my personality. I keep thinking about all of the "important" things I'm missing and the anxiety builds. It was peaceful to be back, that was for sure, almost eerily calm. I almost felt like the sad lone survivors in zombie or outbreak movies who walk out their front door expecting the hustle and bustle of the world and find it is suddenly still and silent.

It was definitely silent. And I could eat. With both hands. And go to the bathroom, whenever I wanted. And did I mention eat? Because eventually that will come around to bite me in my once-shrinking @$$ for sure. And the silence? Yeah, I had to physically assault myself to keep from falling asleep. Because, in case you remember, I was exhausted. And despite all the craziness of having an infant at home, at least when I was home all day (in my pajamas)there was likely some point at which The Cupcake would fall asleep for a short period, and because the only place she would do so was pretty much in my arms, it meant that I was used to conking out for that short time as well. And suddenly that option was off the table. And it was very difficult.

And I made it about a week before I cracked and asked my bosses if it was possible to cut down to part time. I was pretty uncertain about the option being accepted for a long and myriad list of reasons, but somehow everything went through perfectly, and a couple weeks later I was back to PJs 2 days a week. Two glorious wonderful days, and that means I only ever really work 1 day at a shot. Even if it's the longest day in the history of time (most of them feel that way), I already know that once I'm done, I have the whole next day "off" to recover.

And being at home has gotten SO much more livable now as well. TC sometimes naps, during which time I accomplish all matter of other things like house work and even a few craft projects. The other day I actually cleaned the bathroom and washed a wall in the entryway, things I never could have gotten to if I had been working full time. Everything feels much more manageable now.

Maybe even blogging :)

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